Posted in bugaboos, community, creativity, crowdfunding, dragon, emergency, eviction, friends, genealogy, grad school, history, homeless, housing, job hunting, life, music, Personal, research, storage, urgent, writing

9/6: No Soul-Sucking Allowed, Dammit (but #crowdfunding is)

I started this on Facebook, but opted to bring it over here. And yes, still #crowdfunding to get funds to save storage. 

This is only slightly tongue-in-cheek. Slightly.

My ideal work environment: not dealing with random humans. The occasional co-worker might be okay. I’m currently feeling a smidge Dragonish (i.e. anti-social), so occasional contact is okay.

And no cubicle farms. No/few phones. Email is preferred. I don’t stumble over my words as much. Also my foot doesn’t end up in my mouth as much. 

And not soul-sucking work. I’d like to keep my soul intact for a few more years. At least until I turn 50. Five more years is all I ask.

Let me enter data, do creative-ish things like websites or social media, have a variety of tasks/projects. Research. Gimme things to research. I lurv research. Just not medical, as they want bio degrees. I don’t have one of those. Research and write things. 

Pays well enough for me to move into a market rate studio close-in and cram the rest of my stuff into a smaller storage unit again. Also be able to pay for storage, utilities, Netflix and Hulu again, and eat without needing food stamps. Oh, and put money into savings and pay off a few bills.

*   *   *   *   *   *

Yeah… that shit would take a fucking miracle. I’m screwed.

~Dragon 

(Below is what I need to not lose my storage. Before the 15th)

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Posted in creativity, dreams, empath life, faith, life, poetry

8/3: Sealed Secrets (#poetry, #crowdfunding)

Dreams abated.
Life has me in a
Stranglehold.
Caught between my past and
What I am to
Become.

Who is that person?
The future does not give
Sneak
Peeks.
It holds those secrets close.
A seal on its contents.

Where will I be in
Five years?
Ten years?
I do not know.
Preferably breathing.
Hopefully more than that.

I wake each day.
Not knowing where that day
Takes me.
The adventure can be small
Or one of great challenges.
But I have to wake up first.

~A

(Yes, still crowdfunding. Any help will do.)

Posted in anxiety, artsy stuff, creativity, empath life, faith, life, patreon, Personal, poetry, storage, writing

5/21: quick “note”

You guys (and gals) never cease to amaze/amuse and befuddle me. My earlier post was really nothing spectacular… just more of a “hey, I am still alive here” post… and yet 11 likes on it… this one won’t be much better.

Pretty sure I’ve rambled about this before, but tonight’s poem made me think of this. A lot of my poetry is train of thought. I rarely edit them. Most of the time, I hand write them. Those may get a word change or two when getting typed up, but still, nothing radical. My poems also fall into a “freestyle” form. And they tend to be either observational (the one from earlier this past week about being at the station and watching people is that type) or internal and sometimes extremely personal. I don’t write those to get attention or anything… they’re random stream-of-consciousness pieces. Nothing grandiose.

I sometimes read them to my therapist, who loves them as both a written art form but as being therapeutic. They can trigger an intense conversation in session. Tonight’s poem, which will post at 11pm PST, is an internal reflection piece… it’s kind of an internal conversation… take from it what you will. I’ve noticed a lot of people pay attention to the poetry posts. So, as long as you read them and like them, I’ll keep writing them. The monthly Patreon poem will be a longer, likely more traditional, work. These are just short little ones.

Well, half an hour before it posts… enjoy.

And thank you for bearing with me with my frantic situation over storage… and ensuing “crash and burn” this weekend. It takes a lot out of me.

~Amanda

Posted in anxiety, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, dreams, faith, life, Personal, poetry, storage, urgent

5/16: The Break (poetry)

Standing still.
Rain hits my face
Runs down my nose.
Cars pass me by
Hitting the
Puddled potholes
On purpose.
The spray
Hits my legs and
Soaked half-dead shoes.
Socks no longer
Protect my bare feet.
The rain is not heavy
But just enough to soak
Every layer
Down to my skin.
Waiting.
Hoping my turn is next.
The break in the rain.
A chance.
Bask in the light.
As the clouds break
Apart.
Just for me.

~Amanda 

Posted in chronic pain, community, creativity, crowdfunding, emergency, eviction, life, Personal, society, storage, urgent

5/16: running out of #crowdfunding time.

Share me! Help me make a miracle happen!

Quick begging- er- #crowdfunding post. My PT from yesterday has me down for the moment. Voc Rehab had to cancel as she is apparently out of the office… at least this time I checked my phone before leaving. *sigh*

What can I say to prove this is real? 

Here’s some of it, before the space you see got packed with furniture and more boxes. This really is virtually my whole life about to be auctioned away. My costumes and a few Steampunk projects, among so much more… 


I’m not sure where else to turn. Two days to pull off a miracle.

~Amanda 

Posted in activism, anxiety, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, dreams, empath life, faith, life, patreon, Personal, PTSD

5/12: It’s Alive!!

Another short musing.

For years now, I have heard “poetry is dead…” 

I’m no Poet Laureate or anything, but the fact that I have friends who regularly get their horror/suspense poetry accepted to genre mags, and that -this week alone- the pages/posts that consistently get the most hits are the poetry posts… 

Those who say poetry is dead can go suck it! Between poetry and my fiction, writing in general has been very therapeutic for me. It helped me process my mother’s Alzheimer’s and eventual death. Dealing with my PTSD (and the assholes who did enough damage for me to develop it). With my dad passing away suddenly. With my own brushes with death, my suicidal ideations…etc… writing has helped me process a LOT of shit. As well as general observational pieces. 
Poetry is powerful. And in the right “hands,” it can rock worlds. Just look to Maya Angelou. She made words soar.

Poetry is alive and can be used for great things in times of upheaval.

~Amanda (still in pain, but not as bad as 2 hours ago)

Posted in anxiety, artsy stuff, community, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, homeless, life, Personal, storage, urgent

5/12: Keeping the Wolf at Bay (#crowdfunding)

With my crowdfunding, I kinda feel like The Boy Who Cried Wolf… and my friends and acquaintances are the townspeople from the classic tale. They came to help many times over, but now, at a time when my belongings are under threat of auction, few “townspeople” pay attention.
I know it’s a lot to ask help for. The “wolf” really has been close each previous time. This time, I can’t get away from the wolf. I just really, truly need a little more time.Help me keep the wolf at bay. I have some ideas and even a few things I can sell off, but are in the very unit under threat. 

~Amanda 

Posted in anxiety, cats, community, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, homeless, life, patreon, Personal, storage, urgent, writing

5/12: Aiming for Optimism (#crowdfunding)

Aiming for a little optimism here..

*thwack*

Damn, I missed. Never been good at archery.

It isn’t easy to be optimistic when you’re technically homeless and still (frustratingly) jobless and you’re trying desperately to round up funds to save all your stuff in storage from auction in less than a week.

Anyone who ever wonders what keeps me sane in all of this mess of my life didn’t see or hear Portia this morning. Something got her ALL wound up and she was on the window ledge on the other side of the [non-working] hot tub that’s in this room. At one point, she lost her balance and landed on the solid hot tub cover. *thud* then running around on the cover. I’ve sworn in the past that when she ran around the apartment, she sounded like a herd of buffalo on the run. The bounding around on the hot tub cover beat that. I was in giggle fits the whole time I’m listening to this. She gives me moments of silliness or utter affection, usually when I need it the most. It’s very therapeutic.

But the concern for my belongings in storage is still there. The concern for getting my life back on track. The two best places are over in the sidebar (on mobile, scroll to the end of this post and you should see them): PayPal and YouCaring. When you look at the YouCaring, you’ll see nearly $700 on there. Most of that is LONG gone. I need to get to roughly 1500-1600 on there to pull it from auction. If I can at least SHOW I’ll have it the day before, they’ll pull it. WePay takes a couple of days to do the transfer.

So, I ask for people to share this… or the YouCaring campaign. Any of it. There’s an 8×20 storage unit with the vast majority of my life belongings in it. My father’s “coffin” flag for being a WWII Vet. My photography. A bit of my father’s photography. My sheet music. My mother’s beat up 100+ year old copy of Handel’s Messiah. My costumes, some of which I designed. My furniture. My clothes. So much stuffed in there. Memories. Collections of silly things I can’t replace. Most of it doesn’t have great value except to me.

These are the things I need to save. Things I need help to save.

In other news, I have revamped my Patreon… maybe a little more friendly and tempting for those interested.

Thank you from Amanda & Portia

Posted in activism, asexuality, creativity, crowdfunding, eviction, Personal, politics

Dragon Ponders Politics #WomensMarch & #crowdfunding mention

Today, roughly 3 million or so people -mostly women- gathered in cities around the country, and even some sister marches in other countries in solidarity against the politicking of a certain person I won’t name who was just sworn in to the Presidency here in the United States. With him comes a legacy of hate, ego, division, and so much more. The misogyny alone is sickening.

I respect the office of the President, but I cannot -in good conscience- respect the one in it right now. He does not respect us, he has not earned my respect. Just remember, he, and other elected officials, are supposed to represent the people. All of us. But he and his ilk do not represent me and many others. He does not speak for me. I can use bigger words than him.

I would love to have marched, but I did not. Over the years, my claustrophobia and social anxiety have increased to the point where even a crowded streetcar here in PDX is problematic. I am not the only protester who couldn’t march. We all have our methods of protesting. Not everyone can march. I use words.

Words can have tremendous power when used properly. Even improperly. Negative words can destroy a person, in some cases pushing them to suicide. But when used properly, the power they wield can be an amazing thing.

I am a woman. I am a Feminist. I am Asexual. I am Queer. I am also a writer and poet.

So far, every manuscript I’ve written has a female protagonist. In one, I have two female protagonists. Oh, wait, two manuscripts have two female protagonists. I keep forgetting the one with the nun. Don’t ask.

I blog. Granted, most of my recent posts are either poetry or pleading for crowdfunding help with financial stuff. I’m trying to mix it up, but I blog what’s on my mind, and being unemployed, frustrated, broke-as-fuck, and just wanting to keep some of my sanity intact… well, that tends to be what comes up on the blog.

I use my voice in the way I can use it. My writing: Blogging. Poetry. Fiction.

I am proud of my friends who marched. I am also proud of every woman, man, and child who went out today and marched. On FB, I shared a link with an estimate of the numbers of protesters. My words that went with the post are what follows:

We will not be silent. Keep calling us snowflakes… there are enough of us “snowflakes” in this country to be a motherfucking avalanche. We have landed and we will not give up. 

Just like with the word ‘bitch,’ I say we take ownership of ‘snowflake’ … at least in this sense. We aren’t being whiny. That’s what HE is. The Whiner-In-Chief. We are passionate. Fired up. And we -as our predecessors the Suffragettes, Martin Luther King, Jr and the Civil Rights Movement in the 60’s did- will not back down. We will not be silenced. You can bring back the McCarthy fiasco. You can block us online. You can try to silence us. But you won’t win. We will.

Go ahead, call me a snowflake. I am one of many and the avalanche is just beginning.

~Dragon/Amanda (still crowdfunding. still need help)

Posted in cosplay, creativity, crowdfunding, emergency, life, Personal, urgent

A little more… #crowdfunding 

Got more donations that get me 2/3 there. Still need about 200-ish. I called amd got him to pull it from auction. But I’d like to get this wrapped up today. 

If there is something someone donating would like in return, let me know (esp those who have donated larger sums). I make lots of things. Want Jedi robes? I have fabric for that in storage. A necklace or pendant? That too. My embroidery machine is being persnickety, but I can try. Something else? Ask me. I have lots of crafting supplies and the skillset to utilize nearly all of it in a decent way. Just ask.

Getting closer… 

~Amanda (trying not to panic)