Posted in bugaboos, cats, chronic pain, depression, eviction, grad school, life, Personal, storage

6/12: Monday Ramblings

A few things on the plate tonight.

I’m hoping/planning on going to storage later this week. I don’t think I’ll make tomorrow, as I have two appointments and the second is closer to “home” … unless I have some surge of energy early in the morning and go over there before my first appointment downtown at 11.

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

I need to pull a couple of things and brainstorm something from what I already own to lift Portia’s food bowl up. She’s doing something she never did when it was elevated back at the apartment. She does this half cough/half hairball hack. What I think is happening is that she needs the bowl elevated again so that the food is staying where it needs to. This is why it’s strongly suggested to elevate bowls off the floor/ground. The problem is that the item I was using back at the apartment was a few old shelves from long-dismantled IKEA bookcases. Both food bowls, the water bowl, and the container of kibble were all on there. I can’t bring anything like that into the house. That’s been well established. I think they’ve mostly been tossed into recycling anyway during the move-out.

So, I need to jury-rig something smaller. Using only what I have in storage.

This will be fun.

I have mentioned I grew up watching the original MacGyver as a teen, right?


I had Physical Therapy today. Because of the new order for my back, we did an evaluation on that. Here’s where things get bothersome:

Medicaid/OHP+ only covers 8 visits to therapy type things like speech therapy, PT, etc per 12 months or something like that.

I had 4 approved visits for speech therapy due to my vocal cord dysfunction.

Then 4 approved visits for my knee, one of which we used today for the eval for my back.

I have one visit left for my knee. I need to get them to somehow approve/jump through flaming hurdles visits for my back.

Ahh, bureaucracy and red tape at its finest.

My knee is doing better… my back? Not so much. It’s getting rather inventive with new curse words. I’m not sure what language it’s using…. not sure I want to know either.


I have a lot of things swirling around in my head about some of the bigger things in my life. I’m frustrated that I can’t seem to keep my shit together long enough to finish grad school. Frustrated I can’t get very far with job hunting. Frustrated that I crave the peace of my own place but can’t see when that place will happen for me.

I’ll figure it out at some point… just wish it wasn’t so damn frustrating.

~Amanda

Posted in bugaboos, chronic pain, depression, life, Personal

6/9: pain day

I’ve spent much of the day trying to either ignore the pain or waiting for meds to kick in (which they now have). My TMJ pain and the accompanying headache and tooth pain (nearly every tooth on the right side) has had me covering my eyes a chunk of the day due to heightened light sensitivity. 

So I’m laying low. Other things hurt as well, but the highest level right now is the one mentioned. 

Hopefully I can get back to lower levels soon. It’s hard to function like this.

My blogging should return to “normal” soon. 

~Amanda 

Posted in chronic pain, depression, life, Personal

6/9: middle of the night 

Despite meds that should have tamed the TMJ pain beast, here I am awake at nearly 3am. I was quiet yesterday due to a few issues.  

I have a few ranty posts in my mental queue. Dragon will have a field day. 

When I saw my primary doc about the TMJ/headache, she said there isn’t much that can be done. It’s one of those grey area health issues that no one really trains for. And no, it isn’t fully a dental thing. I do have dental work to be done, but it won’t affect the TMJ. She said if my coverage allowed me some chiropractic treatment, she knows of one who can manipulate the TMJ and relieve the pain. But I’m on Medicaid. They don’t cover that sort of thing. 

I got roughly 1 hour of sleep before the pain woke me up. One of my earlier meds doesn’t really let me sleep. 

More babbling later.

~Amanda 

Posted in asexuality, bigotry, cats, chronic pain, LGBTQIA Pride, life, Personal, sexuality, storage

6/7: Random Ace-ness and Antics

My last three posts have been about sexuality/asexuality, dating, disadvantages of being Queer Asexual in this society. I will certainly continue on this general topic this month, being Pride Month and all.

This post will likely be a bit of that plus updates on other things….


Asexual Erasure: When I got home today, I saw that a friend on FB had posted an article on the erasing of asexuality within the LGBTQIA community. This is something I’d mentioned in one of the recent posts. We don’t get taken seriously. I highly recommend reading the article linked above. She did an incredible job detailing the shit we have to go through. Yes, ‘A’ can be for Allies as well, but being an Ally isn’t a sexuality… Asexuality IS. We aren’t aliens (although I do tend to feel like one that got left behind on Earth sometimes). We’re human beings just like everyone else (I hope we all are), and our lack of sexual attraction should have nothing to do with whether we, who are -at times- even more marginalized than others within the LGBTQIA community.

I am open about my sexuality because of this crap. I’m tired of people dismissed us, telling us we’re mentally ill for it… and the list goes on. So I’m “out and proud” and you can’t tell me or anyone else that we don’t matter just because we don’t get sexually attracted to others.

The way I see it is that with being Ace, I have less issues in my life. I have other things to do with my time than go to bars and clubs and be treated like a piece of meat. I have many hobbies. I like my hobbies. I don’t need a bunch of horny assholes trying to get in my underwear to tell me that I’m a real woman.


Storage: Two days in one week… that’s pushing it for me. I had an appt to trim up my mohawk downtown today, so after that, I headed up to storage. I didn’t get very far, but did do some shifting around of things. I even found a jar thingy of hair stuff to spike/play with my hair.

Note to self: learn the lengths for hair clippers… do not do a 1. Unless you like having hair that almost passes for military.

20170607_143502
This is for all the assholes who treated me like shit. 

Portia is sleeping… for now. With a full moon in a couple of days, her antics have ramped up. It’s funny and adorable, but when I’m trying to sleep at 3am and I heard these thuds because she’s playing on the hot tub cover…. it isn’t so cute.

*thud*chirp*squeak*thud*thud*scrabble*thud*squeak*thud*


I’m still exhausted and dealing with pain… I just about have all the “tools” needed to start organizing some of the stuff I have here. Gradually…

~Amanda

Posted in activism, anxiety, artsy stuff, bigotry, chronic pain, depression, life, Personal, storage

5/31: Day off again

I did a little too much yesterday, so I spent the day at the house helping my hosts with prepping for a book garage sale. Tomorrow, pain levels willing, I’ll hopefully head down to storage and push myself to even higher limits. I have things I want to remove, shift around, etc… weekdays are better for that because there are less people so I can spread out and use the hallway to pull things and move more stuff around.

Thanks to a certain person whom I don’t know, June storage rent is paid up. One less thing to worry about. A friend is buying my bed frame… and I’m going to find a way to haul the two little bookcases back to also put up for sale this weekend. My intent tomorrow is to get a little deeper into the mess in the middle of the storage unit. The perimeter is organized, but as things got more frantic, it was more of a “throw it in there and don’t break anything!” It’s a jumbled mess of stuff that if you pull on one thing, Bast only knows what will come tumbling down in an avalanche of stuff.

One goal of selling things is to buy the supplies to make a steel pipe garment rack for my costumes and such that come down when things get shifted. Eventually I want to rig it so it’s on heavy duty casters, but those can wait. I just want to get those garment bags hanging up.

Another goal is to pay the buyout price for a textbook. I like keeping my Archives textbooks and this one will take about another 65 for buyout from rental.

Then, after that, set funds aside for feline supplies and July rent for storage. I’m also returning to TaskRabbit as a Tasker and will hopefully start back up and get decent gigs… it isn’t the best source of income, but for the storage unit, it’s fine.

And yes, I’m still job hunting.

Life has been tugging me in so many directions, I’ve felt like I’m on the edge of something… a breakdown maybe… but I’ve gotten through the worse of it… I just still feel stuck. Getting steady work and back into a place of my own will help immensely.

So, there’s my boring life in a nutshell… at least for today.

I also just made a banner for my FB. Feel free to use, just don’t trim off the copyright at the bottom. It fits the FB specs for banners.

nohatepdxfbbanner

I can make a general one as well, but with so much shit going on here… hate crimes more public, bolder, more violent… I needed something. And with Pride Month upon us, the colors felt right.

Well, I think the coffee has worn off for the day and it’s well past my bed time. Although the pain meds were taken too late, so I don’t expect to sleep tonight anyway…

~Amanda

Posted in anxiety, chronic pain, life, Personal

5/30: round 2

Medical stuff and rambling….

So, the doc did his assessment and determined that my sacral-iliac joint somehow got messed up. I think that’s only part of it. That would cover the back and pain down to my knee, but not the pain zone at the front. When I’m walking, if my left leg is back, even a tiny bit, there’s pain up front that feels more in the hip joint. He gave me exercises, etc… we’ll see how things are after a while…

I’m exhausted after running errands. After my appt, I hit the store for my scrips and some food and then the post office for my mail. I have so much stuff stewing in my head for blog posts, but I’m down for the count. I will have some poetry up…. Dragon decided to try her claws at it…

More to come….

~Amanda

Posted in chronic pain, life, Personal

5/30: round 1

This will be short. I finally caved and made an appt for this afternoon for my hip. My hope is that the doc will at least order x-rays. I’ve tried resting, otc pills, etc… nothing has helped. 

My frustration stems from years of doctors dismissing my pain. Ever since I was 17. It took me a year and about 8 doctors (many were orthos) before I got one who said “let’s look at your back.” Sure enough, two slipped discs. But even since then, I get more docs who are dismissive. I

 know something is wrong. I wish doctors would listen to patients who listen to their bodies. “You” may know general anatomy, but I know my body and its quirks. 

I will report back when I can.

~Amanda 

Posted in anxiety, bigotry, cats, chronic pain, creativity, dogs, empath life, Personal

5/28: Empath Burnout…

I have this longer post in my head and hopefully I’ll get it out and up on here before too long. It’s about the wave of violence and hate crimes even just here in PDX in the last couple of weeks. One of the worst made international headlines. Some here are freaking out, wondering why here? Why now?

I want to share my thoughts on those questions, but I need to do a bit of research first. I also need to come out of the burnout as an Empath. The fear, anger, and sadness even just among local friends and their other friends is palpable. 

I’m also dealing with more pain. I may have mentioned it. Last Wednesday, my left hip started to hurt in a way I’d never felt before. I have sciatica, so at first, I dismissed it. I did my best to stay off my feet Thursday through Saturday. Today, I went to a big meet & greet with several cartoonists. I’m FB friends with Jim Horwitz, who does Watson (the dog). Met a few others, had a good afternoon, but I was in pain the whole time. I’m still using my cane for my right knee… and now my left hip? There aren’t enough swear words to convey my opinion. It started hurting as I was going down the steps from the porch. I wasn’t 5 feet from the door before it started up. I had hoped the rest would help, but it didn’t. 

I just WENT to the doctor last week because of my TMJ. 

Needless to say, between my physical pain issues and the burnout as an Empath, I’m kinda done right now. So if I’m not posting much, it’s likely been a bad day. 

Here’s Fatcake, one of Jim’s characters. Watson is in the main pic. 

It was a good couple of hours for me, despite the pain. I wish I knew what was going on with my hip. But back to the doc I go, as soon as I can make an appt.

Some days I may only muster a poem. Others a post and maybe a poem. Pain has a way of making other things come to a halt. The sad thing is that all of my annual allotted “therapy” appts via Medicaid are used up/scheduled. You only get 8. I got 4 for speech therapy and the remaining 4 for PT for my knee. So this will be a challenge. First, we have to figure out what is going on. 

One day at a time… 

~Amanda 

Posted in anxiety, bugaboos, chronic pain, creativity, dragon, life, Personal, silliness

5/26: Dragon is frustrated 

I swore I’d be back up and flying in no time, yet my rear landing gear* is still not working as it should. I have bravely fought (and mostly won) a battle against a breach of my current lair by ants. Cayenne is one method of safely breathing fire indoors.

I hope to be back at full speed (even 3/4 would be nice) shortly.

Oh, and I need more cayenne.
* hips/legs