Posted in anxiety, auction, chronic pain, community, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, disability, emergency, faith, family, friends, insomnia, job hunting, life, Personal, poverty line, society, urgent, writing

2/20: LAAAAGGGG!!! & #crowdfunding

SSSHHHHAAAAAARRRE MMEEEEEEE!!! PLEASE? (I’m feeling a bit weird today)

I’m BAAAAAaaaaack!! After a week and a half without regular wi-fi and only my phone’s hotspot, which I almost killed a few days ago, I’m back online with normal wi-fi. This means I can stop screaming at my computer and phone and make my neighbors all worried I’m killing* something in here.

*- No electronics were harmed. Really.

So, since I’ve been out of a regular paying job, my income has dwindled to a rather dangerous point. My tasking is barely anything (2 tasks this month so far). Here’s the need and goal:

  1. Storage. I owe about 1000 or so. I need to get it -completely- paid up before the end of the month. Once it’s fully paid up, then I can move stuff out and the rest down to a smaller unit like I’ve been planning. I have zero access until it’s paid in full.
  2. Electric. While they aren’t going to shut me off during the winter, it would be nice to throw them $50 or so of what I currently owe.
  3. Cell phone bill. I set up a split payment arrangement to keep it turned on, with $60 this week and the remainder next week. I need to change the payments, though.
  4. Water/Garbage/Sewer. $47. It’s all lumped together and then they split it evenly between residents. By the end of February.
  5. Cat food (canned) as well. My cat goes through canned and dry. While this isn’t super-dooper urgent, the wet food has helped her coat tremendously. She gets Natural Balance Duck and Green Pea LiD. Same for her kibble, but she has enough of that for the moment.
  6. PO Box. $41 or something around that number.
    By the end of February.

I basically need a big ol’ miracle or something. The phone is my only one now and it’s the only way I can get tasks. And with applying for jobs, I need a phone that’s active to get calls and such.


In other non-begging news, my sleep is possibly improving a smidge. Health is improving a bit. School is as good as it can be for a Right Brain person trying to manage Left Brain schoolwork. I find that my testing ability still stinks and I do slightly better with the actual accounting work than with the vocabulary that comprises the midterm, which I tanked.

I had a phone interview last week, but did not make it to the next round of interviews with that company. I keep applying for stuff, but it gets frustrating when you have skills and they don’t seem to see those skills on paper.

Yesterday, I wrote up as much as I could remember of a dream that was VERY fictional and I knew it would be a good story. I still need to fill in the gaps, but this piece is something I want to eventually submit somewhere.

I refuse to let the shit in my life win and beat me back down. I just have a lot to work on.

~A

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Posted in anxiety, auction, C-PTSD, chronic pain, community, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, disability, dreams, emergency, faith, family, friends, grief, health, insomnia, job hunting, life, poetry, PTSD, society, storage, transitions, urgent

2/7: Melancholy (#crowdfunding & #poetry)

So, now February storage rent has been tacked on. $1014 owed. And my internet at home is off (86 needed). Phone will come due soon as well. The phone that is, once again, access to my only livelihood.

******************

Sabotage.
On edge.
Permanently damaged goods.
Just too much pain.

Breathe.
Why now?
Make it stop.
Please help me survive.

Tired.
Always on.
Brain wired wrong.
I need a break.

Broken.
No matter.
Need to heal.
Do I fit anywhere?

********
I’m all melancholy right now. Frustration with my own health and job hunt. Trying to get through school as well. Today I finally got a formal diagnosis of PTSD and GAD. These explain a lot. I feel like things aren’t coming together like I, and those around me, had thought they would by now. Like I’m falling apart all over again. This is partly why I’ve been so quiet lately. Poetry just isn’t forming so much of late.

Bear with me as I fight to reclaim the ground I lost climbing out of my own personal abyss.

~A

Posted in anxiety, auction, chronic pain, community, cosplay, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, emergency, faith, family, friends, insomnia, life, poverty line, storage, urgent

2/4: Why I’m still fighting #crowdfunding

I know some may wonder why I need help with storage so soon after getting it pulled from auction a month ago. See, I owed 1400 a month ago. Raised 800 and got it pulled. On the condition I would pay the remainder off by the end of January. That came and went with little coming in. Tasks have been almost non-existent and the PT job/internship dried up for a couple of reasons with my last paycheck depositing last Friday.

On top of that, I had to pay part of my rent for this month as rental assistance may be going away sooner rather than later. So, everything has gone to that.

With late fees tacked on, my total is now closer to 700 than the 600-ish it was a month ago. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if they’d let me still try after January was over, but they are. So I have until end of day today (6pm Pacific) to get it caught up. Then I can arrange to have a day off access (I hope) and get some stuff out and the rest moved down to a smaller unit.

It is still set for auction at the end of the month, but I really need to get caught up and get my mattress and stuff out. My back is getting worse and sleeping on the floor doesn’t help at all.

I still need income. I’ll work on that this week. Somehow, someway.

~A

Posted in adoption, animal welfare, auction, cats, celiacs, community, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, emergency, empath life, faith, life, peace, storage, urgent

2/2: #crowdfunding and #cats

Still need funds to save storage and get on with life. I’ve received two donations totaling a bit over 100, but still need about 600 more.

******

This week has been tough for me. And tonight is the anniversary of losing JoJo. Two years ago, one week after my eviction hearing, I rushed her to Dove Lewis. She wouldn’t have made it to dawn. She hid her congestive heart failure all too well.

She was my soul. We both had the same food issues (hers was an allergy to wheat and I have Celiacs). She was right there, in my face, when I wasn’t feeling well to provide me with some purr therapy to help me feel better.

She chose me in such a clear and obvious way. I was her only human for 14 years. She was 11 months old. I adopted her February 2003, and she passed away February 2017, a month shy of turning 15.

She was a ginger force to be reckoned with. Opinionated, loving, sassy cat. My first indoor cat.

******

I’ll post stuff tomorrow. Tonight is quiet.

~A

Posted in activism, anxiety, auction, community, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, dreams, emergency, faith, family, friends, life, nature, observations, peace, poetry, society, storage, urgent, writing

2/1: Ashes #poetry

[Have two donations now. A bit over 100. Still a ways to go. I have until Monday 6pm to get the past due to storage. Any help is appreciated]

***********

Skyline changes.
Blocking out the sun.
Haze of distant smoke
Fills the gaps.

Destruction breeds rebirth.
The trees savor the fire.
Never mind how.
It just does.

Ashes breed the Phoenix
Of nature undone.
Cyclical world knows how to
Survive by itself.

Leave it be.
It knows what to do.
Don’t rush the process.
The Phoenix will rise again.

~A

Posted in auction, community, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, emergency, faith, family, friends, gratitude, homelessness, job hunting, life, society, storage, urgent

2/1: I’d rather be sleeping #crowdfunding

Portia, the resident feline, woke me up by sticking her paw up my nose. I received one donation last night (per email, I should look at PP itself). I still have a long way to go.

I’d rather earn the money somehow, but without my machines and tools and supplies, I’m stuck. And finding work has been difficult.

So, here I sit, hoping we can still make a miracle happen.

~A

Posted in auction, community, cosplay, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, emergency, faith, family, friends, gratitude, homelessness, storage, urgent

1/31: Time’s Up #crowdfunding

So, where do I go from here? Well, another $305 or so will get tacked on. Unless a miracle happens and I get the funds this evening before their central customer service office closes. That’s another couple of hours. Then it’ll get added. Which will suck.

Honestly, I’m tired of fighting with this. But I’m also stubborn as all fuck and refuse to give up. I have too many precious items in there that are irreplaceable. Costumes I designed and my mother, who was a phenomenal seamstress, made without a pattern. A caricature of me as a kid by a now-gone cartoonist. Things that are a part of me and my life.

I’ve struggled a long time and now that I’m slowly getting back up and on my feet, I’m SO close. I can’t lose these things now. This isn’t frivolous or anything. There’s little of resale value, and yet, these items in storage are valuable to ME. I hate asking for help. I kick myself that I haven’t done more.

I’ll call in the morning and find out when auction is this time. And hopefully they’ll let me keep working at paying it off. I hate that it’s at this point again.

Thank you for any help you can provide.

~A

Posted in auction, community, cosplay, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, emergency, faith, family, friends, homelessness, life, society, storage, urgent

1/31: 1 1/2 hours #crowdfunding #urgent

I likely need a bit over $700, because of late fees and stuff. Whatever anyone can do helps. I don’t know if they’ll let me keep tossing money at them after today. The on-site office closes at 6pm PT. I don’t know when it rolls over to adding February rent.

While my posting frequency today won’t break any of my own records, I am probably annoying some people. I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall. I’m struggling to keep my head above water, as many are, and I may lose my storage unit and all my furniture and memorabilia and costumes and wild and weird stuff. Things that, in part, define me.

Again, as soon as I can get access, I can remove the items I need and can fit/use here in my studio apartment, and then cram the rest into a smaller unit, which will be more affordable.

~A

Posted in community, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, disability, emergency, faith, family, friends, gratitude, homelessness, housing, life, Personal, storage, urgent

1/31: 3 hours #countdown #crowdfunding

Still seeking help by end of day. 700-ish needed by 6pm.

I hate asking. I kick myself for not having my shit together more. I don’t post half the stuff that runs through my head when I’m dealing with this kind of thing.

I feel, and have for a long time, that I’m missing some key piece of life that makes things work and come together. That something that others seem to have (or maybe some are faking that aspect). I’m a jumbled mess trying to survive in this world.

So, this is another short post. If folks can spread the word and help in some way. To anyone who is newer to my blog, I was homeless for a year and a half until 3 months ago. I crammed most of my stuff into a large storage unit and have struggled to keep it up. Now that I’m in an apartment, I can get some of the bigger things out, like furniture and such. And then move the rest into a smaller unit. With help, I got it removed from auction at the start of the month, but we only paid a little over half. Now I need to pay the rest and I don’t have anything to pay with. I can’t get credit… long story. I just want to get it sorted so I can feel better about moving forward. Sleeping on the floor is taking a toll on my back.

~A

Posted in anxiety, artsy stuff, community, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, emergency, faith, family, friends, gratitude, homelessness, life, storage, urgent

1/31: one more time #crowdfunding #4hours

One more time?

Some may not realize why I’m already asking for help again. See, I owed about 1400 a month ago. But they agreed to pull it for half. So, I got 800 to them with the stipulation that I’d pay the rest off by end of January. Well, here we are at the end of the month and I have nothing to give them.

I have no more second chances. After today, no more deals. It’ll go to auction with another months rent added on. I’m trying to avoid that. Once I regain access, I can move stuff to a smaller unit, but I need to pay it up first.

My back is getting worse the longer I sleep on the floor with minimal padding. My mattress and other furniture is all in there and I cannot access my unit until it’s paid off.

I’m asking one more time for help. Then I can manage it.

~A