Posted in Personal, crowdfunding, emergency, depression, grad school, life, urgent, chronic pain, storage, anxiety, health, medical

9/18: Normally… I’d be #crowdfunding

Normally at this point with needing funding, I’d be posting several times a day, asking everyone to share, etc, etc (and encouraging their friends to also share)… but I’m on Day Five of a Cluster(fuck) Headache. I wrapped a piece of fabric around my head to cover my right eye because it hurts to use it… I need to get the rest of the 1025 before Thursday morning. I estimate I have about half… if the folks who said they will help come through. If not, I’m super-stuck. (also, PayPay only at this point… YouCaring will take too long)

On top of the headache from hell, I had a panic attack strike while out. I went to the doctor to deal with the headache (and a lovely rash… I’ll spare you the details on that), and went to pick up meds (this mess added to my stress) and kleenex. Between the anxiety and my C-PTSD kicking in due to people getting WAY too close (if any closer, at least one of them would’ve had my elbow lodged in his throat). I got back here to the house and broke down. My BP, which normally stays low even when my heart races, was high. Meds have been taken to bring things down… but they still don’t really help the headache.

I also have school things to get done this evening, although I may ask for an extra day due to medical issues. I’m already in catch-up mode anyway.

The doc I saw said that oxygen therapy is one thing that helps cluster headaches. Since it didn’t feel really bad at the time, I declined it for today… I shouldn’t have. If it’s still bad tomorrow, I may call and ask about coming back down for some oxygen and see if it helps.

So, beyond all of that, I am still asking for help. Every little bit helps. I don’t see school funds showing up in time. I’m on academic probation, but the process… yeesh, the process. I’ll call them in the morning and find out what’s going on. But for now, to save all my belongings, I need a little more help. Once school funds show, if they do the full amount, I should be okay for a while until I get work. We’ll see.

More to come… as long as my headache allows it.


Posted in chronic pain, community, crowdfunding, family, health, life, medical, Personal, storage

9/17: #crowdfunding and pain

Yes, #crowdfunding still. About halfway (I think). Please use PP donate button. 

There may be typos today. This is why: back around 1997, I got a headache that stuck with me for 2 1/2 months.  Ever since then, I get the same kind every couple of months and they last from 2 days to 2 weeks. Back in 2006, I took notes tracking them. After every other menstrual cycle…. SLAM!! I got hit. I went on birth control to manage them. It has helped. Until Thursday. 

The pain showed up, backed down a little with meds, but nothing is helping now. Pressure points, meds, nothing. 

Admittedly, I’m a week away from my next Depo shot. The other factor is that they may amplify with the very distinct possibility that I’m in perimenopause (premenopause for those not used to the new term). 

Well, I may go in early to the clinic for something else that’s bugging me (rash in places I ain’t mentioning publicly). So I may bring up the headache. 

This isn’t just “some headache” … this is a debilitating pain encompassing the right side of my head. Always the right side. 

I had plans this weekend… shit ain’t happening. The pain scale is inaccurate for me. What a 10 is for average people, is more like a 5 for me. This headache is about a 9 for me. It would send most others to the ER. I used to call it a migraine, but it isn’t. It’s closer to a Cluster Headache. With a little tension thrown in. I swear I’m gonna start calling it a Clusterfuck Headache. See if that makes the doctor laugh.


In other “news…” 

If my mother were still alive (passed in 2013), she would be turning 88 today.



Posted in asexuality, cats, chronic pain, cosplay, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, emergency, grad school, LGBTQIA Pride, life, Personal, storage

9/16: Saturday Check in & #crowdfunding

Still #crowdfunding. Not sure when school funds will show, so I can’t count on them. I have until 9/21 (preferably the day before) to get the full $1025 (will have about half, I think, by Monday) before auction. Auction is at noon 9/21. Please share even if you can’t donate.

I’ve been quiet due to a few things: catching up and managing shit for school stuff. Getting my headaches from hell. Etc.

I’ve long believed my headaches were a combo of tension and migraine, but Cluster Headache actually fits what I get better. Predominately on one side of the head, can last for days, etc… I don’t get auras or the usual stuff of migraines… so I think it’s more Cluster with a little Tension thrown in. And yes, I still have it. Been battling it since about Thursday. They tend to be triggered by hormone imbalances (the girly ones)… so I’m on birth control to manage them. I’m a week out from my next shot (I get Depo every three months) and the headache is VERY obvious right now.

In other “news” I’m developing a new Fursona. If y’all haven’t figured out I’m a Furry by now… may Bast help you. My primary one has been Jaeli, who is a character from one of my manuscripts. Still love her, but with my lioness fursuit of Zumai (the Cowardly Lioness), I wanted to develop a fun, toony character.

Her name is Aili (AY-lee) and she’s a Calico kitty with Ace/Asexual flag colors (black, grey, white, and purple). She is asexual like me, and she loves being a total ham. I’ll be commissioning a partial suit of her from a local friend and I’m going to try my hand and drawing her ref sheet.

I’ve had so many topics floating around in my head the last few days, but every time I’m able to write them down, I’ve lost the idea. So, you just have a catch-up thread for now.


Posted in crowdfunding, depression, empath life, faith, life, peace, poetry, storage, urgent

9/13: Good & Bad

(Midnight poetry. Still #crowdfunding as well. Spread the word.)

It doesn’t matter
All have
Bad days.
Learn from
Each and
Live without
Be who you
Wish to be.
Do not wait for
To find yourself and
Peace within
Brings peace around you.
Forget perfection.
Be the best YOU can be
Stop comparing
To others.
Learn from your
Good and Bad days.
When you choose to learn,
Fear weakens within.
Then LIFE can truly


Posted in artsy stuff, creativity, depression, life, Personal

9/12: Catharsis

While I prefer writing as my creative medium (with photography as my second), I do occasionally dip into other creative areas. Lately, I’ve wanted to paint. Getting small canvases and the cheapest paints I could afford (on sale… woohoo!!), I set out to do three small paintings… that quickly turned into a series of three.

While I won’t show the work in progress of it here, I will say this: mapping out the trio has been a journey. You’ll understand when you see them. It’s been emotional and healing. Just as with my writing, I’ve put a piece of myself into these paintings. They will be mostly paint, but with some mixed media  for added emphasis. Each one tells part of a story.

And yes, I do intend on selling the series. I’m not sure of the price yet.

On one of them, one I just finished the base image on, I’m really surprised at myself. I’ve never been super confident with visual arts (except for photography). Mostly stemming from my mother quashing my attempts. I’m no Rembrandt or anything, but it’s turning out really well and I’m very happy with the progress. The more I look at that canvas, the more confident I get.

I’ll be finished soon…


Posted in anxiety, community, crowdfunding, emergency, eviction, friends, grad school, history, homeless, life, Personal, storage, urgent

9/12: Sentimentality (and #crowdfunding)

Yes, this involves #crowdfunding. Despite what the YC campaign says, I’m about the halfway point, as two people have promised funds (and I do have a little). At least I hope the second one will be able to. But this is about why it’s important for me to save what’s in storage.

After my mother died, my dad told me on the phone that I could have her ashes as I was “the sentimental one” in the family. Yeah, I am. I think that goes along with being fascinated with history, both global and personal. I want to hold onto old things and give them respect as they’re due. Some of the items in storage are from my own history, such as my coffee table. To replace it at all would take 4 figures. It’s a mid-century modern table from a well-known American company. I’ve had it since I was 17.

A friend on Facebook asked me recently how much would it cost to replace everything in there. Well, there are some things that can’t just be replaced. Costumes and fabric. Much to the surprise of some, fabric tends to be cyclical. You may not see it in the stores 3 months from now, let alone 3 years. My costumes are custom to fit me, in most cases. I have no pattern for some of them as my mother was the kind of person who just knew how to make something… sometimes she made a pattern, sometimes not. Clothes, shoes, etc.. yeah, they could be replaced with something newer in most cases.

Then you get to my collections. To replace those would run me into 5 figures. Likely 15-20K. Some things can’t be replaced. Too rare, too old, etc. The collection of my father’s 78’s of very old opera recordings cannot.

So a lot of people balk at the amount I need to save my storage unit from auction, but when I explain the replacement costs, they usually go silent. I would never be able to replace everything, and what is replaceable will cost me more than the $1100 I need to save it. I have tried -come close- to making each month’s rent, but fell short each time… and it adds up over three months with late fees.

In other news, I’ve gotten the all-clear for returning to school. I have a lot of catching up to do, as we’re in the 3rd or 4th week now. 4th I think. The only hurdle left is a piece of paper for financial aid. It’s been a long road, but I feel good about getting it done.


Posted in artsy stuff, cats, creativity, crowdfunding, emergency, eviction, grief, Personal, storage, urgent

9/10: Deadlines, #crowdfunding, and @Chewy

#CROWDFUNDING: It turns out that the auction is on the 21st, not the 15th. I had guessed the 15th because when I’ve gone through this before, it was always the 15th or as close to it as possible. But this time, it’s the 21st (which is a Thursday, so I find it odd, but okay). So I have a SMIDGE more time, but not really by much. If the two people whom I’ve talked to do send what they say they’ll be able to send, I’ll have roughly 500 between them and what I have in my accounts.

So I’m roughly halfway there. If I get more TR work this week, I’ll have a little more, but unless I get a really big job or two, it won’t cover me the rest of the way.

A few months back, I got a call from the manager of my former apartment building that a package was there. It was “kind of urgent” and since I didn’t live there anymore, I technically shouldn’t have packages sent there. I didn’t know what it was, so I sent off to go pick it up. It was a 1-800-Flowers delivery from Chewy, the pet supply website. I had talked to a CS person there a couple weeks before and had mentioned I lost JoJo to congestive heart failure in the midst of my eviction. The flowers were a beautiful arrangement in a vase.

So, I’m still (obviously) unemployed and money is tight, so I haven’t been able to order my normal stuff from them. On Friday, I got a call from Fedex that they had a package that couldn’t be delivered to my PO Box. I was going bonkers trying to figure out if this package was something I’d ordered (interview clothes) or something from my wishlist that maybe someone sent… I had them route it to a local store that is now a pick-up location for Fedex. Picked it up today. A small metallic blue bubble wrap package.

From Chewy.

Inside was a card: wp-image-1885802957

And two 6×6 paintings. JoJo


And Portia.


If you want to inspire customer loyalty, it’s stuff like this… hell, even the flowers were more than enough… to make a customer for life.

Showing compassion and caring for a customer is how customer service should be done. I know, as that’s my own philosophy from working in retail. Go above and beyond, help and show that you care about what you’re doing. This is something that’s hard to find in bigger companies. It’s all about the numbers and speed anymore, not about making sure your customers walk out the door wanting to keep doing business with you. Instilling loyalty through caring and compassion is something missing in retail anymore. I’m glad to see Chewy doing good.


Posted in anxiety, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, dreams, emergency, grad school, homeless, job hunting, life, Personal, poetry, semicolon, storage, urgent, writing

9/8: Stand Still

(#crowdfunding as usual. I wasn’t intending to post a poem, but the words and the image in my mind wouldn’t go away. This is how I feel right now. Unedited. Unsure.)

Brace myself.
The wind may come
Knocking me down.
I cannot turn around.
Things to do but nothing
Propels me
One path blocked.
I look down another seemingly
Open path.
So many hurdles
The fog keeps them a secret.
Another path.
Alas, too steep to climb.
Another washed out.
Where do I go?
I stand still.
Unsure of my path.
At a


Posted in bugaboos, community, creativity, crowdfunding, dragon, emergency, eviction, friends, genealogy, grad school, history, homeless, housing, job hunting, life, music, Personal, research, storage, urgent, writing

9/6: No Soul-Sucking Allowed, Dammit (but #crowdfunding is)

I started this on Facebook, but opted to bring it over here. And yes, still #crowdfunding to get funds to save storage. 

This is only slightly tongue-in-cheek. Slightly.

My ideal work environment: not dealing with random humans. The occasional co-worker might be okay. I’m currently feeling a smidge Dragonish (i.e. anti-social), so occasional contact is okay.

And no cubicle farms. No/few phones. Email is preferred. I don’t stumble over my words as much. Also my foot doesn’t end up in my mouth as much. 

And not soul-sucking work. I’d like to keep my soul intact for a few more years. At least until I turn 50. Five more years is all I ask.

Let me enter data, do creative-ish things like websites or social media, have a variety of tasks/projects. Research. Gimme things to research. I lurv research. Just not medical, as they want bio degrees. I don’t have one of those. Research and write things. 

Pays well enough for me to move into a market rate studio close-in and cram the rest of my stuff into a smaller storage unit again. Also be able to pay for storage, utilities, Netflix and Hulu again, and eat without needing food stamps. Oh, and put money into savings and pay off a few bills.

*   *   *   *   *   *

Yeah… that shit would take a fucking miracle. I’m screwed.


(Below is what I need to not lose my storage. Before the 15th)