Posted in anxiety, artsy stuff, community, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, dreams, family, friends, gratitude, life, society

4/20: Still Here #crowdfunding #registry #art4sale

I’ve pulled back and been busy trying to determine what I need. A mattress has been ordered. I didn’t buy one earlier because I had one in storage. Well, that’s all gone now. I also have a GFM going for those who may not want to buy from the IKEA registry or Amazon. Gift cards are also an option, such as for IKEA. They can be applied to the registry.

In the following links, you’ll find supplies, furniture, electronics, sewing machines, towels, vacuum cleaners (two options, both pretty cheap). I’m also making and selling paintings to help make rent for next month. The assistance is now over as of April. My CCC case manager said he was going to talk to my case worker at the shelter and see if they can pony up some of next month’s rent. Since CCC and HS helped with all the initial stuff to get me moved. Something the shelter org should have done.

Here are the paintings so far. Most are 8×8 canvas boards. I may have to go back in and edit to mark which ones are 8×8 and the four that are 6×6 boards. 8×8’s are $45 and 6×6’s are $30. Paypal preferred.

I’m struggling to get work. I’ll likely write something up about that whole thing later. But I apply for jobs well within my realm of knowledge and can’t seem to get even an interview. I’ve redone my resume and have it now so that it’s software ready for the HR software that apparently screens them. But it still isn’t enough. I need steady work. I want steady work. There are some things I can’t do, for any number of reasons.


Posted in anxiety, community, conformity, creativity, depression, dreams, empath life, individuality, life, poetry, society

4/3: Path Taken #poetry #Inspiration

Dreams within stories
Fractured by time and pain.

Path not taken
Of acquiescence and banality.
Plow my own.

Held back too long
By pain and fear.

Ideas swirl around
One rests as another
Bubbles to the surface.

Dreams deferred
While I get the basics down.

Know change is emerging.
The path not taken idles to the side
As I forge ahead into my own world.


(Now need help to regain things lost. First up is a mattress. I had expected to pull my old one out of storage.)

Posted in anxiety, community, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, disability, dreams, gratitude, health, insomnia, job hunting, life, Personal, sleep, society

4/1: No April Fool Here

As I’ve said in the past, I have been sleeping on the floor since I moved in back in October. The reason I haven’t bought a new mattress was because I had one in storage and wanted to get it out.

Well, now that the chance of saving everything is gone, I need a new mattress. I’ve been checking all the “bed-in-a-box” options alongside IKEA and thought I couldn’t find something more affordable than them.

I was wrong. The Zinus mattress on my Amazon wishlist is a touch over $200. I have a second option as well (and they’re at the top of the list, so no one has to go hunting for them). So, I ask for help. My credit is fucked from a bankruptcy in 2013 (medical bills) and lack of steady employment. I know it’s a big ask, but this is sorely needed. If it’s ordered via my list, it comes straight to me. If folks donate so I can buy it, PP is ideal as I have a debit card from them linked to my Amazon account.

Some of you may wonder why I’m asking for help. I now have to start over, which I fucking hate more than anything. I’ve lost nearly everything that means something to me. Having a mattress that’s good for my back will help to some degree. If I can sleep better, I can do better during my waking hours.

I don’t want any frames right now either. Yes, that means it’ll be on the floor. But if you look at the IKEA registry (also now in the sidebar), you’ll see a MALM storage bed frame (it lifts up from the foot of the bed). It isn’t cheap, but it’s one of the things I want to maximize my space here. I’m living in less than 300 sq ft. So, it’s tight quarters.

Mattress first. Then work my way up through the stuff. Stuff on Amazon and IKEA, or donations or gift cards to either… Any of it works.


Posted in anxiety, artsy stuff, auction, baking, community, cosplay, creativity, depression, family, friends, gratitude, individuality, life, music, society

3/30: It’s Gone. Now to Rebuild

Despite everything, I didn’t raise enough to save my belongings in storage. They were auctioned off Thursday. I fought to save it all while I was homeless, but in the end, I couldn’t save it.

So, now I need help rebuilding my resources. I’ve been sleeping on some blankets on the floor since mid-October. I’ve picked out two mattresses as options and they’re both on my Amazon Wishlist. My back is all kinds of borked right now. 

  1. Mattress
  2. Vacuum Cleaner
  3. Sewing Machine 
  4. Serger and Embroidery Machine
  5. DVD/blu-ray players, TV.
  6. Audio receiver & speakers

This will go on my Amazon wishlist, in case anyone wants to just get them for me.

There are other things such as AV: audio receiver, speakers, dvd/bluray players, TV.

I want to maximize my small space with IKEA furniture. I’ve made a registry on IKEA, in case folks wanted to order stuff for me. Also, one can purchase a gift card and apply it to my registry. All the little things I added on there are things I had in storage and are now gone. 

I’ve lost all of my music, movies, books and such. Those can be replaced over time. It’s the big stuff that I worry over. I create costumes and the characters that live within those costumes and they’re all gone. I need to be able to sew again. Besides, my Pinterest is chock full of ideas and I can’t DO any of them. My fursuit and costumes are all gone. Patterns gone, everything gone. I have a fraction of my fabric and a handful of costume bits. Compared to the bulk of my inventory, it’s barely anything. 

Fabric is all gone as well. I have a little of it in the bins that weren’t in storage, but all my costume fabric is gone. My Kai Opaka  WiP is gone. 

I did leave a note with the manager to give to the buyer asking for a chance to buy some stuff back. The vast majority of what’s in there has little to no resale value. Not of any note, at least.

So, I seek help in rebuilding what has always been so closely connected to my identity. The things in that storage weren’t JUST stuff. They were ME.

IKEA and Amazon Wishlists have just about everything. They’re linked at the sidebar. Anything helps.


Posted in anxiety, auction, community, cosplay, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, emergency, faith, family, friends, gratitude, society, storage, urgent

3/28: 2 hours remain #crowdfunding #emergency

I still need at least $1200 to save it. Please also share far and wide.

How do I explain this? How do I convey the importance of saving what’s in storage? I’m fresh out of tactics and ideas. I have several basics as well as unique items in there that are an integral part of my whole life. Memories, my photography, my mattress, my music, my costumes and fabric. I can’t let it slip away. The vast majority of what’s in there cannot be replaced, and what can will cost me at least $15,000 to replace.

If I put what little I have in savings, I have $200. I have one friend who has about $150 he can send, but he refuses to use PayPal anymore. They won’t let me do partial payments to pull it from auction anymore, so I MUST get the whole $1400 today before NOON Pacific time… two hours remaining.

I have some modest supplies here in my apartment that I can use to make some stuff as thank yous for helping. Primarily paintings. It’s all I have. The sewing and embroidery machines are in storage, so I can’t do any fabric things unless I can get my stuff back.


Posted in anxiety, artsy stuff, auction, community, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, dreams, emergency, faith, family, friends, gratitude, homelessness, life, Personal, society, storage, urgent

3/27: 15 Hours and Counting Down #crowdfunding #emergency #urgent

I’m running out of steam here. I’m so close to losing everything. I can’t do this. I’m tired. I’ve asked and pleaded, I’m doing what I can, but it never seems to be enough. I have a bit in savings from my last task, but that’s barely $100. I also have other things to be paid. Like my phone, which was shut off two days ago.

There is no way I can currently afford to replace what can be replaced. And no chance in the foreseeable future. The items in there are close to me. To my heart. To my life. They have little value for anyone else. Most of what’s in there has little to no resale value. Most would consider the lot of it junk. For me, the value is in what I can do with the items in there.

I just need another chance.


Posted in anxiety, auction, community, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, emergency, faith, family, friends, life, society, storage, urgent

3/27: 20 hours… #crowdfunding #urgent

Time left: 20.5 hours. Amount needed: $1400

I hate sounding like a broken record. I also hate that I still have to keep asking for help when I should be getting better at self-sustainment. I haven’t gotten anything in yet. I have one friend who might be able to send some funds, but no clue how much yet, if at all.

The replacement value of what can be replaced is well over $15,000. Likely even more than that. I don’t know what I can say to help convince people this is truly needed. Some of it cannot be replaced, but what can be is not going to be cheap or easy to replace. All of my creative tools (other than some paints) are in there. As the person who may be able to help found out last night, my mattress is in there and I’ve been sleeping on some blankets on the floor since October, which does not lend itself to good back health.


Posted in anxiety, artsy stuff, auction, community, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, emergency, faith, family, friends, gratitude, job hunting, life, society, storage, transitions, urgent

3/26: Asking for help #crowdfunding

Thursday, March 28 at NOON is when I potentially lose everything. Many personal belongings I had to stash when I was evicted two years ago. The cost to replace it all is a LOT more than what is owed, which is roughly $1400US. Replacement would run at least 15K-20K. I am asking for help. They will not take a partial payment this time.

Intent is still the same for once I regain access to storage.

  • Remove belongings that can fit apartment.
  • Organize and move what remains in storage to a smaller unit to save money.
  • Determine if there things that can be donated or sold.

I’m so damn close right now. I’ve been sleeping on the floor since October. I’m looking for steady work. I have ideas for making some money, but don’t have all the things I need to do them. My sewing and embroidery machines for starters. There’s some paint ideas and still, there are a few tools/supplies I need to see those ideas through.

I live below the poverty level of this country. I am trying to build myself back up to get above that line once and for all. But I need a bit of help.

Thank you,

Posted in anxiety, auction, chronic pain, community, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, disability, domestic abuse, dreams, emergency, faith, family, friends, gratitude, grief, history, homelessness, housing, insomnia, life, poetry, society, storage, urgent

3/25: Disjointed #poetry

[Definitely running out of time for storage. I need to save it this one last time. Then I can move things around and get a smaller unit. 1400. Help?share?]


People pass me, sometimes
Bumping into me.
Am I here? Do I exist?
The sidewalk is not overly
I must be invisible.

Careful to not be followed.
Do I feel safe?
Where is my stun gun?
Just leave me be.
Fake window shopping.
Make the guy be ahead of me.
I must keep my eyes on

Fear. Am I late?
Why do I run?
My legs give out.
My lungs give up.
What is it that I fear?

I must fight the
Darkness of my past.
I long to be free of fear and
I have whiplash from always looking
Over my shoulder.
Make the pain stop.
Leave me be.