Posted in C-PTSD, chronic pain, crowdfunding, depression, disability, health, homeless, insomnia, life, peace, PTSD, storage, urgent

12/13: ask? 

Storage: not sure if I’ll have anywhere near enough for December. Not getting as many tasks as last month. Any help to keep it up would be vastly appreciated. 

A Peace Offering: I can’t go into details, but there’s something I want to do that I’d like to do before Christmas, but between storage and such, I can’t place the order I need to in time and also save up for storage. It isn’t wildly expensive, but add it to storage (302 + late fees), and I really don’t have the funds. 

This has been the suckiest year on record for me… and that says a lot as I’ve never had any one really good year. I’m trying, but shit is holding me down. 

Anywhoooo…

This late night begging/rambling brought to you by pain meds at 1am.

~A

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Posted in activism, anxiety, community, depression, faith, family, friends, grief, homeless, housing, life, poetry, society, urgent, writing

11/18: Feeling Broken

Something happened today.
Something that ripped me to pieces.
I want to believe there are humans
Who understand what being
HUMAN
Is like.
What being
HOMELESS
Is like.
My day was okay.
Except one brief moment.
That formed a black cloud
Over my head.
My soul is soaked through.
My heart and mind
Need to be wrung out.
The cloud weighed me down.
I wonder now.
Who among us
Has compassion?
A safe place for a woman and her cat?
When the world buckles underneath you,
Who do you turn to when it makes you fall?
When the help you need the most is not the help family can give you?
Where do you go?
When you scream for help, but there is
None to be found.
~A.
November 2017

Posted in chronic pain, disability, health, life, urgent

10/11: Tool Junkie

I admit, I’m a Tool Whore. I love me some time in a hardware store, baby. I’m more comfortable in a hardware store than a nice dress shop.

I’ve made it known in the past that I do stuff via a website/app for folks to hire people like me to come and do things like assemble furniture or clean (not one of my offerings, mind you). My hand tools come with me to every furniture gig. More and more, I find I also need to bring things like L brackets and such to fix goofs by either the client or -if they purchased it second hand- the hand-handed disassembly of the previous owner. I have bits and pieces from IKEA and hardware stores, ready to fix whatever may come up.

The problem is that that shit gets HEAVY. One thing I’ve also mentioned is that I have a multitude of injuries from over the years. My back being the worst (other than the cluster headaches, but those are less common). I walk with a cane while out and about because I know something will start hurting. It just does. So, carrying a heavy tool box is getting harder and harder. Sometimes, if I know exactly what to bring and don’t need the supplies, I can keep it light. The strain on my back has become more and more noticeable and painful. To the point where today, I had to switch my cane to my left hand for a while because the pain in my right low back was so excruciating. I then switched back a couple blocks later because then my left hip/low back was griping at me.

Despite my injuries, I enjoy the task of furniture assembly. I’m GOOD at it. I get a lot of really great reviews from clients. I can’t do it all day every day… but I love doing it, regardless.

So, I’m eyeing wheeled tool boxes. I’ve picked one potential out on Amazon. I put it on my wishlist, but it’s more than I really can/want to spend ($55). At first, I was thinking one of those collapsible crate thingies on wheels… but then I’d still need closed things that can fit in it and I’m not sure my tool box will fit… and I KNOW the container with the hardware from IKEA won’t.

Just a handy little tip for my fellow IKEA lovers: Go to the as-is section and look for the little round spinny rack. There are taped up bags of loose hardware and things like dowels for $5 a bag. Get a couple of those and you’ll spare people like me the mess of trying to find parts to help you fix things.

I’ve also added their cheaper single piece rolling caddy… I like the separated elements of the pricier one… but either would do… at least for now.

Do I collect other things? Hmm, do penguins, fabric, sewing supplies, crafting supplies, and art supplies count? Yeah… silly question…

~A

Posted in crowdfunding, emergency, eviction, friends, homeless, life, Personal, storage, urgent

9/21: #crowdfunding at (almost) 8am

Still holding at $276 needed. (The pic above is Jack back in Chicago.)

*There looks to be a chance… I’ll post when it’s confirmed.*

I’d rather have my eyes closed and be curled up under the covers, but I’m posting on here. Not sure where else to turn. 

Due to my medical bankruptcy and lack of current employment, I don’t have a credit card. Don’t have parents to turn to either. Family is a difficult issue for me. So, I turn to friends and the online network of people. 
Things in life haven’t lined up as hoped, so a little more help is needed. Just a little further.

~Amanda

Posted in creativity, crowdfunding, dreams, emergency, eviction, friends, grad school, life, Personal, storage, transitions, urgent

9/21: post 1: 12 hours before auction #crowdfunding 

Just for safety sake, let’s go with 11am as the deadline. Could things change? Maybe. I’m trying to BEAT the auction, not bid in it. 

What it will cost: $1025+ lock purchase

What I have: $609(as I was typing this, a donation came in. I now have 709)

What it would coat to replace what is replaceable: at least $15,000, bare minimum. 

After this save, I have school funds coming in that can cover the next few months. It just isn’t going to show in time for this week. I just need a little more help. I’m not perfect. I screw up a lot of things. See you when dawn breaks. Maybe a miracle will happen while I’m trying to sleep.

~A

Posted in anxiety, community, crowdfunding, emergency, eviction, faith, friends, homeless, life, Personal, storage, urgent

9/20: Last one… I think (at least for the day… hey look! #crowdfunding)

Total as of 7:20am on 9/21: $749 out of $1025. $276 still needed.

So I’m gonna make this short and sweet for the purpose of crowdfunding in case people don’t wanna hit the donate button for PayPal.

  • No, you don’t need a PP account to send money. Just a credit/debit card.
  • It’s pretty painless. No, really. Granted, your checking account may not agree (neither does mine), but it doesn’t hurt.

So you can click on that button or you can send directly to [greatpenguini333 @ gmail .com] (just remove the spaces and the brackets). The donate button is easier.

Posted in anxiety, bugaboos, cats, crowdfunding, emergency, eviction, faith, friends, grad school, homeless, housing, job hunting, life, Personal, society, storage, transitions, urgent

9/20: Laugh While You Can… At What You Can #crowdfunding still

I’ve learned one thing: Find something to laugh about, even during the darkest times.

So, in my last post, I mentioned Portia was sitting next to me… shortly after that went up, I made the mistake of shifting my body and thus my jar of grape flavored water (that was sitting solidly on my pillow, mind you, no jiggling) tipped and spilled all 24 ounces of water onto my narrow bed, going all the way to the mattress. Yup, I’m one of THOSE people… the ones who just can’t seem to get shit going right.

I guess I needed to flip the poor mattress anyway. Everything else went into the basement for laundry. Tonight. I have nothing else to sleep on or under. And this room gets a smidge chilly in the ev- well anytime really… but worse at night. There’s a reason I’m wearing layers of warm clothes even during a heatwave… this room is cold.

Yes, I’m frustrated with myself for it. I spaced on the fact that the water was still there. But I’m also laughing at myself over it. I have to. It’s a survival mechanism. I taught it to my dad while we were dealing with my mother’s Alzheimer’s… and I use it to deal with the super-shitty year I’ve had. Being homeless sucks… no matter how your situation is, whether you have friends to stay with like me, or you have a tent or are in a long term shelter… it sucks. The tension, feeling of not knowing how or when you’re going to finally land on your feet… it’s hell. And when you have a dependent, whether it’s a child or a pet, it gets even harder.

I hold onto the things of my life, my past, and my hopeful future… much of which is in storage. It’s all I have left. Hence why I’m trying to save it.

~A

Posted in cats, chronic pain, community, crowdfunding, emergency, homeless, housing, life, Personal, storage, urgent

9/20: The Love of a Cat

**I have no magic words. I only have a request. I can ply you with free books.**

I’ve had cats all my life, but growing up, they were strictly outdoors (unless someone slipped in “accidentally”). Then, in 2003, I adopted JoJo and then Jack six weeks after her. Jack passed away in 2010, acute renal failure. JoJo, congestive heart failure earlier this year, right after my eviction process started. After Jack died, I adopted Portia. She is currently curled up next to me on the rollaway bed I’ve been sleeping on for 6 months at a friend’s house.

She is what keeps me going every day. Through physical therapy, headaches, job searches, doctor visits, back pain, and all kinds of other things. She isn’t exactly a young cat herself, as she’ll be 12 in October. She has her moments. She loves having her mane combed, but anything else? HA! She tries to draw my blood. She’s a goofy, gorgeous, silly old lady.

To be fair to both myself and to her, I never -in a million years- expected life to hit me this hard. I thought I’d be able to bounce back up quickly. I never wanted to stay where I am this long. But here we both are. In a room I refer to as the “spa room” due to the indoor (non-working) hot tub and a small sauna that I’m currently using as my closet.

I would love -more than anything- to be sleeping on my own full size mattress in my own apartment again… but I need a good job first and foremost. I also need my stuff safe (you really didn’t think I’d write a post without crowdfunding, did you? You did? Silly you).

As I said at the top, I don’t have any magic words. I can offer free copies of my books in return… although it’ll take me a couple of weeks to get them.

You would be helping Portia and myself to keep our things safe until we can get income once again.

~Amanda