Posted in activism, auction, community, crowdfunding, faith, family, friends, homeless, homelessness, housing, life, society, storage, transitions

9/27: FUNDED!!

I’m still kinda groggy, but storage has been funded and now all I need to do is go over there to pay it off.

Earlier this week, I wrote a post about Forced Gratitude.

Gratitude is something no one should ever demand or require. Anyone who does, it makes them come across as a manipulative abuser. Think about it. In an abusive relationship, the abuser may say things such as “you can’t make it on your own, so you have to stay… I do everything for you…” and others… all in a bid for obesiense.

But today, and the last several days (as well as times this has happened before) are where true gratitude comes up. I wouldn’t be able to save my belongings today and have them available for when I get a place soon, if it weren’t for the community online and in this world. I am absolutely eternally grateful for the help from people all over. Friends and strangers alike.

Being homeless sucks. Being poor sucks. Being both makes me see that there is so much that needs to be done to improve our society. No one should have to crowdfund paying for storage or medical bills, or insulin, diapers, food, etc… the list is endless. It shouldn’t have to be.

As I transition out of homelessness, I absolutely will lend my voice to the need for change in society.

Again, I thank everyone who has helped, from the bottom of my heart and soul.

~Amanda

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Posted in activism, auction, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, emergency, faith, family, friends, homeless, homelessness, housing, storage, urgent

9/26: before I fall asleep #crowdfunding

Last call for the night. Still stagnant at needing $250. If anyone can get me closer, that would be awesome.

One thing I intend on getting into once I’m out of the shelter is becoming more of a voice for the rights of homeless. We get told we have no rights. That is unacceptable in today’s society.

But storage and getting out of here first.

~A

Posted in anxiety, community, crowdfunding, emergency, faith, family, friends, homeless, homelessness, housing, life, storage, transitions, urgent

9/26: 9PM, Still so close! #crowdfunding #urgent #auction

SHARE ME!!!!! So close… still about $250 shy. (yes, that’s Berke Breathed’s Bill the Cat… he represents how I feel right now)

This will be short… just like me.

The idea right now is that the donations from today on the GFM likely will NOT post tomorrow (it takes a couple of business days).

BUT!!!

If I can get the last $250 via PayPal and pay what I have between PP and GFM and then pay with the rest when it clears… I’m hoping they’ll let me go through with it. We’re just that close. It’s roughly $225 waiting to clear. That’s pretty freaking close, in my opinion. Then it’ll be paid up and I can start October with just that month’s rent up.

And if/when I get into this apartment, I’ll be able to remove a good chunk of what’s in there and downsize to a smaller storage unit. The apartment I’m hoping to get isn’t big. It’s a teeny studio, so I’ll have to be smart in what goes in there. I have stuff in storage (IKEA Ivar shelving to cover nearly every inch of wall for one thing) that can help me maximize the space. Then organize what remains in storage and I’ll only be a couple blocks away so I can access it easily.

But I need to save my stuff first.

With help.

Almost there.

I’m giving it 12 hours from now (9AM) to get the last bit. That’ll give me time to get on transit and bust ass over there (as I’m currently NOT two blocks away from storage) before auction at noon.

~A

Posted in anxiety, auction, birthdays, crowdfunding, depression, dreams, emergency, family, friends, homeless, homelessness, housing, life, poverty line, storage, urgent

9/26: $250 remaining #crowdfunding

$250 REMAINING!! ALL HANDS PAWS ON DECK!!

Give or take a few bucks due to fees from GFM and PayPal (I find it mildly amusing and moderately frustrating that the CS people at PP say that using a donation button doesn’t incur fees… umm, yes… yes it does),

There’s a total of $1000 in GFM, some of which likely won’t transfer in time. Maybe it will… that would be a nice small miracle. But I doubt it. I’ll likely show up Friday. So I’ll need to show them there’s more in the pipeline, but it won’t post in time. I’ll head down there in the morning before auction…

The rest of it is in PayPal. $242, give or take a buck or two. I estimate so I can remember the numbers easier. I want to get what I can give them tomorrow as close as possible so I can then pull it and phone in the rest when it posts.

I still also have a vet bill, but Portia isn’t going anywhere for now, and Dove Lewis knows my situation.

A friend who can’t help this week, but can send some money next week after his own financial dust settles, can likely cover the vet bill… so I’m not hugely worried about that part at this very moment. I don’t know how much he’ll send, but likely enough to cover it. Just not this week. So, vet bill can get some of that.

I just need ALL PAWS ON DECK!!!!

Just a little more… We’re over the 2/3rds mark… 1/6th left…

And maybe I’ll celebrate a bit next Tuesday… I had hoped to be out of this shelter by then, but if I’m allowed one night to let loose and drink a couple while having dinner, I’ll be a happy birthday girl.

Let’s make this happen… just a little more!

~A

Posted in anxiety, crowdfunding, depression, emergency, eviction, family, friends, homeless, homelessness, life, silliness, storage, urgent

9/26: 18 hours… #crowdfunding

18 HOURS LEFT!!! SHARE MEEEE!!!!! PAYPAL ONLY!

There’s a little more in the GFM because a few people haven’t noticed my comments in a group about not using that at this point. I’d be amazed if it showed up in my account tomorrow. I doubt it will.

I’ll continue posting stuff tonight until I’m too tired to do anything more… then start back up in the morning.

I’ll find things to blog about for the 7pm hour…

~A

Posted in anxiety, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, emergency, faith, family, friends, homeless, homelessness, housing, life, music, storage, urgent, writing

9/25: #crowdfunding #update

***SHARE ME!!!!!***

Not much to report. There’s $758 (well, minus the percentage WePay takes) from GFM. Between that and what I’m getting from my latest tasks, I’ll have a total hovering just under $900.

The really GOOD news is that my new PP card showed up today. I wasn’t sure if it would show before Thursday, but it has.

I still need to get up to $1400 (just checked the emails… $1493) or so before NOON on Thursday 9/27. Once I’m done at the dentist in the morning, I’ll start blogging and working on getting the rest of it. My Case Manager working on job stuff *may* be able to get a bit of it, but the short notice and amount may not work in my favor on that front. So, I’ll need about $500 600 and change (my phone bill may take a small chunk of it… timing sucks ass) before noon Thursday.

The good thing amidst all of this mess is that I did my application for the apartment today. I got to see the apartment and it is tiny, but yanno what? That’s fine. It’s still bigger than the 8×10 room Portia and I have been living in the past six months. I can focus on getting my life back together. Get back to the basics that make me who I am.

Climbing back out of the abyss of homelessness. I can do this. With help from the community at large.

~A

Posted in activism, anxiety, auction, bugaboos, C-PTSD, community, conformity, crowdfunding, depression, disability, emergency, eviction, faith, family, friends, homeless, homelessness, housing, life, Personal, poverty line, PTSD, society, storage, transitions, urgent

9/25: Forced Gratitude (& #crowdfunding #urgent)

[#crowdfunding plea at bottom this time. two days left before auction. see the bottom of this post]

Over the weekend, I lashed out in frustration and PTSD-related anger at the agency that runs the shelter I’m in. Yesterday, I got a verbal lashing about it from the person who runs this building. The words that stuck with me the most were about gratitude. That I should be grateful they’ve let me stay longer than the normal length of time.

Gratitude first: No one should be told they HAVE to be grateful for something. Am I grateful? Yes. Should that equate to forced silence and obeisance? No. I’ve spent most of my life allowing people to walk all over me and tell me how to act (did I follow their rules every time? No, but that’s a whole other post). If living here has taught me one thing, it’s to not be silent when shit goes sideways.

Am I grateful? Yes. Should I play the nice little quiet obedient resident who shows her gratitude by not speaking up? No. Fuck that noise. I will be loud. I will be vocal. I will NOT be silenced because my voice and words make someone uncomfortable. The crap I had tweeted about was painful. Triggered my PTSD as well as anxiety, and I know I wasn’t the only one who was having a hard time with it.

The person who chided me for “not being grateful” wasn’t here. Her weekend was disturbed every so slightly by phone calls. Mine and the others here? Much more.

Once I’m out of here and my time being homeless is over, I will be able to recap the things I see as wrong and right about our systems here in the Rose City.

One thing I will address now, though, is the intended length of time they think is adequate for us to find housing. Four Months.

Now, if you have a job and just need to be somewhere to save up and get back on your feet, fine. Also, if you’re looking for work that is along the lines of grocery, retail, food service, and doesn’t require long application processes, this can work.

But what about those like me? Those with disabilities and/or advanced education who need to work in other environments? The 4 month concept is flawed. Many white collar jobs take much longer to get through the process. And if you need to rework your resume or switch career paths, 4 months is definitely nowhere near enough.

I was told I should be more grateful that they’ve let me stay longer than the 4 months.

Forced Gratitude is not real gratitude. No one should demand it. Ever.

~A

#crowdfunding: I’m moving closer to needing access to my belongings. I’m just over the halfway point for paying off storage, but I need help. Auction is on Thursday at noon. I’ll have roughly $900 by the time the rest of what’s in the GFM and my own income clears. I need about $1400. Before noon on Thursday the 27th. Please spread the word. Thank you. I am grateful for all the help I can get. Real gratitude. Not forced.

Posted in anxiety, community, crowdfunding, depression, emergency, eviction, family, friends, grief, history, homeless, homelessness, housing, life, poverty line, society, storage, urgent

9/23: Halp? #crowdfunding #emergency

***AUCTION IS COMING UP ON 9/27***

JUST OVER HALFWAY TO FUNDED GOAL!!!

Time is running out on getting funds before auction Thursday. Some semi-good news, though. Apparently PayPal DID override the “no P.O. Box” bull and I’m getting a new card after all. Bad news: it only mailed Saturday. I don’t know exactly when it will show up, but they say 7-10 days. So it may not get here in time for 9/27.

Despite a few people sharing posts, nothing has happened. I will maybe have some funds from today and tomorrow in the mix, but it depends on when those post to my account (have to do those jobs first, and then there’s a delay).

I’ve run out of being on their good graces in terms of letting me get away with partial payments and the like. I know I’ll need the full amount of roughly $1400. I have about $3 in checking and $.42 cents in PayPal. I’m not going to ask the handful of people who have sent larger chunks in the past as I know their patience with me has likely worn very thin.

To those I need to pay back: I will do so as soon as possible.

Everyone else, I still desperately need help. I have some family heirlooms in there that mean the world to me, along with items that are one-of-a-kind and mean more to me as they are a part of my memories (the good ones) from childhood. My costumes, music, sheet music (some out of print and were my mothers). While much of this may not have much in resale value, they mean everything to me. My mother’s copy of Handel’s Messiah, in book form, that’s ratty and well-used… and over 100 years old. Choir notes and all. My mother and I never really got along that well, but we had music in common. We’ve both sung Handel’s Messiah multiple times.

Nearly every item in that storage unit is worthless to the rest of the world… but not to me. Once I get into an apartment again, I’ll be able to move what’s left into a much smaller unit.

I just need the chance to do all of that. Reorganizing it, downsizing some of it, pulling what I need out as opposed to storing it… then keeping everything organizing so I can easily find what I need.

I just need that chance. If I lose it all, I won’t have that chance. So, I need help.

~A

Posted in anxiety, community, crowdfunding, emergency, family, homeless, homelessness, housing, life, Personal, society, storage, urgent

7/31: Random Snafus, Monday Part Deux

[write something witty here]

*thud*

Today has thoroughly drained my ass… I had a chore this morning (and one this evening), and then got accused of theft*, then had a task which went sideways**, then therapy, then meeting my caseworker… I just finished fixing and eating dinner… and at 8, the other chore round.

* I’m one of those weirdos out here who has never stolen anything, not even a penny from a till I was in charge of. Never shoplifted, nothing. So when one of the other residents accused me of stealing a 3rd person’s bottle of bleach from the laundry room, I was a bit upset and confused. Granted, not like the women here KNOW I’ve never stolen anything, but still it was strange. Besides, I have my own damn bleach. It just pissed me off that someone would make an assumption and accuse me.

** I had two tall cabinets to assemble and put in place in a little nook in a kitchen. Which ended up being 1/8 of an inch too narrow. AN EIGHTH OF A FUCKING INCH!!! Yeah, it sucked. Left it half done because she wanted to talk it over with her husband.

So, that’s my day in a large nutshell.

Living in a shelter requires some trust, but it has to be earned. Very few here have earned it, and many have lost any chance of earning it by repeated backstabbing and lies.

One of those lies has been thoroughly debunked. One of my ice packs was stolen out of the bag in the freezer. The person who was with me when I found out said one of the RA’s took it and gave to my friend who is outside. Her time was up here and she had to leave. I asked the friend and she showed me her cooler. Nope. Not in there. I knew the story was fishy. She couldn’t tell me WHICH RA took it. A week goes by and I find it in a shelf above the bag… further proof she was lying. So, someone “borrowed” it and finally returned it.

I’ve had other things stolen, mostly food. And then the accusation this morning. What is so frustrating about it is that they know how I feel about theft. If you own it and make reparations, fine. But just not acknowledging that you have sticky fingers? Nope.


I’ve applied for more work… hopefully something bubbles up to the surface soon. My time here at the shelter is tentative. I talked with the building manager today and we’re going to take it week by week. There is no other shelter in this system that has this setup.

I’m looking at apartments, even those in market rate buildings. Not cheap, but I need to keep looking for places. I’d MUCH prefer to have my own apartment all to myself, but living in an off-campus student building with roommates would be okay.

There may be a poem coming later…

As usual, I desperately need the help saving storage. It’s likely scheduled for auction in August and I’ll definitely need the full amount this time. No partial allowed. More on that tomorrow.

~A

Posted in anxiety, artsy stuff, auction, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, dreams, emergency, family, life, poetry, storage, urgent, writing

7/30: The Sanctity of Space

The Sanctity of Space
[Poem about what I’m going to lose if I don’t raise the funds. I have a task tomorrow that will put a bit into the ‘kitty’, but not a lot.]


The sanctity of space
The collections of memories
The baubles of comfort.

Stashed out of reach
From
The Collector of Time.

Seeking peace amidst
The flurry of madness.
Afraid to lose.

That which is attached to
History and future.
Slipping away.

The tendrils of commerce gripping
The hope of dreams past and
Yet to come.

Ornaments of family gone.
Held in grief and love.
Pain yet released.

The paraphernalia of memories
Not forgotten
If only for the tangible itself.

Dreams returning to life.
Passions on hold
Hidden behind lock and key.


~A

[Yes, help is still needed. Badly. Unless a miracle happens, I don’t see a chance of getting storage caught up before August 1st. I’ll find out when auction is and go from there.]