Posted in community, crowdfunding, dreams, emergency, empath life, faith, family, friends, grief, homeless, life, poetry, society, storage, urgent, writing

3/19/18: Remembrance

(Yes, also #crowdfunding. Shameless, I know.)
Look to the night sky.
The stars above
Suns of other worlds.
The light seen is old
Yet reminds of more.

Dreams of beloved
No longer here.
Aching to hold them.
Look in their eyes
Talk to them once more.

We wish. Hope. Dream.
One more time.
To say how we feel.
Make peace with the past.
Another chance, maybe more.

They know. They watch us
Move forward.
Looking back at memories
Held dear of those gone before.
Wishing to say ‘I love you’ once more.


Posted in anxiety, C-PTSD, community, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, dreams, emergency, faith, grad school, homeless, life, Personal, poetry, society, storage, urgent, writing

3/17/18: Adrift

(Yes, still desperately trying to raise funds for storage before the end of the month. Any help will do…)

I sit in my boat.
The map in my hands
Confuses me.
I thought I knew which course
To take.

The winds have died down
No more than a
Dull roar.
But only in
My mind.

I am unsure of the course planned.
I believe it safe, but
The fear of being unable
To complete that path
Overwhelms me.

So many charted courses
Even more hazards
They veer around.
Which route?
Where am I going?

How will I know?


Posted in anxiety, C-PTSD, crowdfunding, depression, dreams, emergency, poetry, PTSD, storage, urgent

3/7/: Tule Fog (poetry)

Answers appear
As people fade
From my view.
Shifting of lives.
Even as I stand

The tule fog
Settles around me.
Wrapping me.
Suffocating my hope.
I see my life just out of

The fog is only that: fog.
Yet it feels solid
Holding me in place.
My mind foggy as well.
I cannot shake this

I sometimes resign myself
To the tule fog both holding me hostage
And making my mind unclear.
I know it cannot last.
The fog will lift and I will be


Posted in anxiety, C-PTSD, crowdfunding, depression, domestic abuse, history, life, poetry, PTSD, semicolon, sexual assault, storage

I12/27: Echoes and Tears #ptsd #cyberstalking #cptsd #metoo #poetry

Past flashes
Pain and agony
Echoes of who
Was upon a time.

Fog settles
Behind and ahead
Mind is fuzzy
End in sight.

Self withdrawn
Physical and mental
Life at a standstill
Hunting eternally

Past blurred
No end to the fear
Looking over my shoulder
Stalled in motion

Fear grips me
Held in an invisible
Grip from life
Is all I feel.

Darkness surrounds me
The fog gives way
Only echoes of my past
Me of what I should be.


(I’m running out of time to get December storage paid. I have about 1/3 [$100] but I need to pay by the 30th.)

Posted in anxiety, C-PTSD, chronic pain, depression, disability, health, life, Personal, poetry, PTSD, writing

12/13: The Mime

(This was started almost a month ago. Since then, I’ve figured out some things regarding my C-PTSD and how connected everything else is to it. I also have a bit of mime training… hence the reference.)


The fight in me lays dormant.
Screams muffled by tears.
The fog closes in around me.
Turning me invisible to those
Who pass me by.
Pain slows me down
To a crawl.
I am wrapped so
I can barely breathe.
The fog steals my
Every breath.
I cry out
Help me
But no one can hear.
I slam my fists on the walls that
Keep me
I open my mouth,
Crying for help.
I am the mime in the invisible box.
Let me out
I can no longer


Posted in activism, anxiety, community, depression, faith, family, friends, grief, homeless, housing, life, poetry, society, urgent, writing

11/18: Feeling Broken

Something happened today.
Something that ripped me to pieces.
I want to believe there are humans
Who understand what being
Is like.
What being
Is like.
My day was okay.
Except one brief moment.
That formed a black cloud
Over my head.
My soul is soaked through.
My heart and mind
Need to be wrung out.
The cloud weighed me down.
I wonder now.
Who among us
Has compassion?
A safe place for a woman and her cat?
When the world buckles underneath you,
Who do you turn to when it makes you fall?
When the help you need the most is not the help family can give you?
Where do you go?
When you scream for help, but there is
None to be found.
November 2017

Posted in artsy stuff, bugaboos, creativity, individuality, life, Personal, poetry

9/23: The Rebel

Standing back.
Apart from the crowd.
Distanced by social
Not welcome
In a sea of

Be me.
No one else.
But not
Or no one will
Accept you.

Stand in the center
Spotlight shining on you.
They walk past.
Not coming close.
Too different.
Too out of place.

Destined to
Wholly alone
In a sea of monotony.
The rebel
True to
No one else.

~APA 2017

Posted in bugaboos, community, creativity, dreams, faith, feminism, gender, health, life, Personal, poetry, society, tattoo

9/22: When I am Old…

I’ll be turning 45 in a little over a week, and I read an article earlier today about older beautiful women which prompted me to make the status in the image above on FB.

When I am old
I will dye my hair purple.
But probably only the mohawk. 
I'll be proud to be grey.
When I grow old
I will say 
As loud as I damn well 
Growing old is 
For wimps.
I am not a wimp
I WILL grow old. 
I will wear bright colors.
And mismatched socks.
And no matter what
I'll still say SHIT a lot.
I will be the old lady
With the NERF gun pointed
At the kids crossing my yard.
But have cookies and soda for them
When they return to apologize.
They say to grow old gracefully.
I will grow old
However I damn well please.
Likely raising Hell 
My dress flapping in the breeze. 
I will be the one
Others gossip about.
Without a care in the world
Refusing to bow out.
With my purple mohawk 
And greying sides,
Wrinkled tattoos and
Still watching the tides.
I'll eat what I want
And do as I please.
For no one can take
My freedom from me.

~APA 2017

Posted in crowdfunding, depression, empath life, faith, life, peace, poetry, storage, urgent

9/13: Good & Bad

(Midnight poetry. Still #crowdfunding as well. Spread the word.)

It doesn’t matter
All have
Bad days.
Learn from
Each and
Live without
Be who you
Wish to be.
Do not wait for
To find yourself and
Peace within
Brings peace around you.
Forget perfection.
Be the best YOU can be
Stop comparing
To others.
Learn from your
Good and Bad days.
When you choose to learn,
Fear weakens within.
Then LIFE can truly


Posted in anxiety, creativity, crowdfunding, depression, dreams, emergency, grad school, homeless, job hunting, life, Personal, poetry, semicolon, storage, urgent, writing

9/8: Stand Still

(#crowdfunding as usual. I wasn’t intending to post a poem, but the words and the image in my mind wouldn’t go away. This is how I feel right now. Unedited. Unsure.)

Brace myself.
The wind may come
Knocking me down.
I cannot turn around.
Things to do but nothing
Propels me
One path blocked.
I look down another seemingly
Open path.
So many hurdles
The fog keeps them a secret.
Another path.
Alas, too steep to climb.
Another washed out.
Where do I go?
I stand still.
Unsure of my path.
At a