Posted in activism, asexuality, bigotry, bugaboos, faith, LGBTQIA Pride, life, Personal, politics, sexuality, society

6/26: Building Bridges… #politics

Since the election in November here in the US and the Brexit vote in the UK, our society seems to have fallen into a free-for-all of hate and violence. I’ve posted on the vicious cycle in the past. Quite recently, in fact. Since that post, I’ve seen news of more vehicles being used to plow into crowds of Muslims during Ramadan. And then there’s 45 (I don’t use his name) breaking a long-standing tradition of the White House celebrating Eid. He also didn’t say a word on Pride Month, so at least his hate is consistent.

One thing I’ve noticed, at least here in the US, is that a large number of people killed or harmed in hate crimes are not “white Christian people” (for the record, if you haven’t figured it out, I’m a white somewhat-Christian female), but people of color as well as non-Christian religions and LGBTQIA. Vehicles plowing into crowds of Muslims outside their own mosques, LGBT being attacked and arrested for wanting to show their pride, black men and women being gunned down by citizens and police alike, etc… the list just keeps going.

This cycle is perpetuated by fear of the unknown. That fear becomes hate. Are there attacks by non-whites? Yes. But the ratio of white attackers to non-white attackers, at least in the US, leans toward more whites than non-whites. Here in Portland, hate crimes and discrimination are on the rise. And we’re a pretty damn liberal city. Our surrounding cities and counties are not so liberal, though, and we have a lovely mass transit system here. One I use all the time. If my queerness were more obvious, I might get some random jackass giving me shit. My mohawk isn’t quite enough. Remember, this is a very liberal city. And I’m not quite queer-looking enough to get harassed.

We fear what we don’t know or understand. This is fairly common human nature. The nature of our society. The thing is that we have access to more information at our fingertips than our not-so-distant relatives. If you don’t know something, look it up. Ask questions, talk to people. If you fear Muslims, go to the site for TED Talks (also, if you have Netflix, they have a fair number of them there as well) and look up the religious ones. If you want to understand POC or LGBTQIA, …. ASK! No harm in putting a question out there.

The only stupid question is the one that never gets asked.*

Ask. Listen. Learn. Seriously, learning isn’t just in a classroom. Each day, we have a chance to learn from our surroundings. Take advantage of that.

The more we know, the less we fear. Okay, except for spiders… that’s my weakness… I know plenty about them, but still don’t like them. But when it comes to humans, just learn. When we communicate and learn from each other, the barriers we build in our minds and our society will break down and we can work together.

That’s all for now… sorry I’ve been quiet.

~Amanda

(* – Although if you ask me, as an Asexual person, about amoebas or how we mate, that is one question you should keep to yourself. It gets old.)

Posted in asexuality, bigotry, cats, chronic pain, LGBTQIA Pride, life, Personal, sexuality, storage

6/7: Random Ace-ness and Antics

My last three posts have been about sexuality/asexuality, dating, disadvantages of being Queer Asexual in this society. I will certainly continue on this general topic this month, being Pride Month and all.

This post will likely be a bit of that plus updates on other things….


Asexual Erasure: When I got home today, I saw that a friend on FB had posted an article on the erasing of asexuality within the LGBTQIA community. This is something I’d mentioned in one of the recent posts. We don’t get taken seriously. I highly recommend reading the article linked above. She did an incredible job detailing the shit we have to go through. Yes, ‘A’ can be for Allies as well, but being an Ally isn’t a sexuality… Asexuality IS. We aren’t aliens (although I do tend to feel like one that got left behind on Earth sometimes). We’re human beings just like everyone else (I hope we all are), and our lack of sexual attraction should have nothing to do with whether we, who are -at times- even more marginalized than others within the LGBTQIA community.

I am open about my sexuality because of this crap. I’m tired of people dismissed us, telling us we’re mentally ill for it… and the list goes on. So I’m “out and proud” and you can’t tell me or anyone else that we don’t matter just because we don’t get sexually attracted to others.

The way I see it is that with being Ace, I have less issues in my life. I have other things to do with my time than go to bars and clubs and be treated like a piece of meat. I have many hobbies. I like my hobbies. I don’t need a bunch of horny assholes trying to get in my underwear to tell me that I’m a real woman.


Storage: Two days in one week… that’s pushing it for me. I had an appt to trim up my mohawk downtown today, so after that, I headed up to storage. I didn’t get very far, but did do some shifting around of things. I even found a jar thingy of hair stuff to spike/play with my hair.

Note to self: learn the lengths for hair clippers… do not do a 1. Unless you like having hair that almost passes for military.

20170607_143502
This is for all the assholes who treated me like shit. 

Portia is sleeping… for now. With a full moon in a couple of days, her antics have ramped up. It’s funny and adorable, but when I’m trying to sleep at 3am and I heard these thuds because she’s playing on the hot tub cover…. it isn’t so cute.

*thud*chirp*squeak*thud*thud*scrabble*thud*squeak*thud*


I’m still exhausted and dealing with pain… I just about have all the “tools” needed to start organizing some of the stuff I have here. Gradually…

~Amanda

Posted in activism, asexuality, bigotry, bugaboos, community, LGBTQIA Pride, life, Personal, sexual assault, sexuality, society

6/6: Not Broken #asexuality #pride

Being asexual tends to either get rude/lewd comments or dismissive remarks.

I’ve heard the “amoeba” crack so many times, it’s permanently etched in the back of my brain. Yet every person who says it thinks they’re being all cute and funny.

You’re not. Please… just stop.

I get the “maybe you need to try dating women. You might be a lesbian after all.”

I am more aesthetically attracted to men than women… by a LONG shot. Can I appreciate the female form? Yeah, but I’m not attracted to them.

“You just haven’t found the right guy yet”
“Maybe it’s a libido/hormone thing.”

I could go on…

For the record, asexuality is NOT a physical/hormonal/libido thing. It’s how our brains are wired, not the hormones. Some of us have active libidos. Some don’t. Some are occasionally active. Doesn’t mean we act on those urges with others. (There are great food analogies elsewhere)

What IS a physical thing is what’s called “sex aversion.” And anyone, of any sexuality, can go through phases of being sex-averse. I am also sex-averse due to the repeated sexual assault from years ago. Some are virgins (they tend to think of the act of sex to be icky, for lack of a better word), some are survivors like me, as well as other reasons.

I’m on this topic as June is Pride Month. Some in the LGBTQIA community don’t see Aces as being part of the community. I’ve heard the “well, this is about sex and they don’t have any, so they don’t count.”

WRONG!! All sexualities are about the different types of sexual ATTRACTION. Not the act of sex. And yes, we count. A lack of sexual attraction is still a misunderstood sexuality. But major researchers of sexuality have recognized asexuality for decades. Yes, we’re different. We get some discrimination as well. Not as much obvious treatment, but it is there. Some others I know have been subjected to “corrective rape” which is such a back-asswards thing to do… we don’t need to be fixed.

No repairs are necessary.

We aren’t broken.

~Amanda

Posted in asexuality, bigotry, community, LGBTQIA Pride, life, Personal, PTSD, sexuality

6/6: Being an Asexual Tomboy in a Femme World

As far back as I can remember, I’ve always preferred doing things like “helping” my dad with carpentry stuff, pretending to be a knight hunting for dragons in the overgrown lot next to our house, climbing trees, etc. I also had plenty of dolls and a playhouse all my own up on the hill. I dressed up as Peter Pan around 4th grade or so, and even today, I’m more comfortable on my own in a hardware store than a dress shop. I do wear skirts and dresses from time to time. But my hair is short (more like in a mohawk, but ‘details, details’) and I rarely wear makeup and do “girly” things. Although, when I want to, I can clean up pretty damn well.

This all comes up because of a conversation about an article a friend posted on FB about this girl who wasn’t allowed to join a girls sports team because her hair was short. She didn’t look “girly” enough. I can tell you that if she were my kid, I’d raise all kinds of Hell with that decision. The conversation on my friend’s post turned ugly pretty damn quick with a couple of people who say they’re Trans Allies, but from their words, they most definitely are NOT. Now, I’m not trans. For the most part, I am perfectly fine with being cis-female (although I’d love it if they ripped out my damn uterus and other parts… I have to be on hormonal BC because of severe hormone-induced headaches that can last upwards of two solid weeks). But I respect my friends who are transitioning or have transitioned.

I’m more like the girl in the article. Throughout most of my childhood and teen years, I had short hair in some form. Rarely did it go past my chin, let alone my shoulders. It’s thin and fine and does better short. Hair does not define a person’s gender. Never has, never will. At least it shouldn’t. Right now, in my 40’s, I have this mohawk. I don’t spike it or anything, but I love how it is. If people can’t see past my hair and understand I’m really quite female, then they’re the idiots. I almost feel sorry for them. My hair doesn’t define me, I define it.

So, then the thought cam to me this morning after catching up on the comments on said friend’s post: Men see long hair as feminine and when women have longer hair, they’re seemingly more dateable. Now, my sexuality is really what dictates whether I want to date or not. Currently, I’m in a “get the fuck away from me” phase. Partly due to my C-PTSD, and partly because I have yet to meet a single man roughly my age that I’m even romantically attracted to. There are other factors there. Such as understanding my sexuality to its fullest and that it means you aren’t getting sex on the first date. Seriously… how old -mentally- are some of these guys… 15?

The amusing thing is that when a man has long hair (which, when done well, is pretty damn sexy), HE isn’t considered more feminine… he JUST has longer hair. So I see double standards. Maybe I just don’t hear comments about masculinity and long hair.

I have short hair. I’m not homosexual. I’m not heterosexual either. And nothing else “in between” … I’m asexual, and currently more aromantic as well. I’m just not interested in any of it… but my hair has nothing to do with my sexuality.

Really. It doesn’t.

I’m just me. Hell, even my sexuality doesn’t fully define me. It helps, yes, but it isn’t my lone defining trait. That list is really long.

I define me. I define what and who I am. Nothing and no one else does that for me.

I probably have more to say on this, but this will do for now.

~Amanda

Posted in asexuality, cats, community, crowdfunding, dragon, homeless, Personal, storage

4/24: Dragon Talks Asexuality and Dating (#crowdfunding)

(Yes, still crowdfunding… ignore the numbers on the YC campaign, those funds have been used up)

I’ve always been open about my sexuality. I realized I was asexual in 2009. I probably told that story in a much earlier blog post, but in short, I realized I wasn’t sexually attracted to men… then I thought maybe I am a lesbian, so I observed other women and realized I wasn’t attracted to them either… less so than men. I kept joking to myself that since I’m not attracted to either, I must be asexual, but I didn’t think humans could be, so I dismissed that idea and came back around again to men. Then I read about Edward Gorey. The term was brought up in an interview with him back in the 1970’s and he took it. He had no interest in any gender sexually or romantically. I read other things and delved into lurking the forums on AVEN and realized this was valid and very much me.

I choose to be outspoken about it because of the attitudes I get from people. To heterosexual men, at least some of them, I’m seen as a challenge. Even more so because I have no interest in dating. In recent years, I’ve apparently come across as shut down, so I wasn’t getting men flirting with me so obviously. The last several months, however, have been different. Even a catcall or two. Guys thinking Facebook is a dating service. Some people may see that as a possibility, but really, if someone doesn’t have a relationship status on their profile, then the option they likely want isn’t available (mine would be somewhere along the lines of “not interested, go away”).

I’ll leave the main details out of why I’m bringing this up now. I’ve had someone “flirting” with me via social media recently. Here’s the thing I’d love for him and others like him to realize: not everyone wants the “white picket fence” life. Not all women want to be treated like princesses. I know I don’t. I want to be respected for who and what I am and the life I choose to live. Many people who followed a more traditional path don’t understand people like me. And some of this doesn’t even really have to do with my sexuality. It’s just the path I’ve chosen in life. I don’t want the white picket fence. I don’t want to be somebody’s “princess” … to me, that would feel like imprisonment.

Some may wonder if I ever feel lonely. No. I don’t. I have Portia, and any future felines that come into my life, I have my music, books, friends. Yes, right now, I’m going through a really nasty spot without a place of my own with Portia. Struggling to find work. Struggling to get my storage space paid up to save my belongings. I hate being stuck like this. In between homes. But as I build my life back up, I’ll feel more grounded and independent.

Bringing the previous paragraph back around to the main subject, there’s always this concept that folks press on us single people… that we have “our other half” as if we are incapable of being complete human beings all by ourselves. I am a complete person. I don’t need someone in my life to complete it. Having someone to pal around with and do stuff with might be nice. But I don’t need it. This Dragon flies solo and is very happy to be doing so.

~Dragon

Posted in activism, asexuality, bigotry, community, crowdfunding, dragon, empath life, life, Personal, politics

4/8: The Calm Response & #crowdfunding

#crowdfunding still… any and all help… share my posts around (preferably the ones that go into the reason for crowdfunding… such as this one: 3/6: #Crowdfunding to Keep My Belongings or this: 3/3: Another shameless #crowdfunding post)

The 6th was a bad day overall… so my Dragon side got sassy last night. Anyone offended, I’m sorry, but it’s something I deal with. On the 6th, I had to deal with a few idiots on FB who just couldn’t see past their own wannabe-manly egos and learn something from a “female” who actually is what they’re arguing about. I stand up for those who hide their sexuality -Ace or otherwise- because of bigotry and ignorance.

I’m almost grateful my mother was lingering in the moderate stages of Alzheimer’s when I realized I was asexual. She was never tolerant of differences such as those. I don’t know what she would have said or done, but the word ‘freak’ might have be uttered if she were more aware.

Whenever articles make it into the mainstream about asexuality, we get jerks like the ones I dealt with. People who make broad assumptions and stand by them, even as those of us who are Ace try to help those who are confused understand. That’s why I’m so vocal about it. I want people to understand asexuality so they don’t make asinine statements. It’s been just over 7 years since I figured it out. I’ve dealt with far too much ignorance and bigotry. I’ve known other Aces who were treated as lesbians in their culture and were attacked and “corrective rape” took place. First, as a rape survivor, that won’t do any good. But I won’t go into all that. I covered the reasons why in the previous post.

And then, as an empath, I felt a lot of rage (my own as well as of others) about the missile attack. It bothered me that they sent so many missiles and yet so little damage and nothing immediately in response. Yesterday, it was discovered why. I’ve chalked this up to a little -yet-pricey- wargame. Nothing was accomplished. And since some planes were able to take off from that very base/airstrip…. I wonder what those missiles actually hit? Certainly not the airstrip. It was all for show. My own feelings are no longer of anger but of disgust. I don’t think P45 has done his homework at all. I don’t think he even cares. It’s all a game to him.

Until later… I have to fight off cold number 3 and a toothache/headache and be healthy enough to go to my interview Tuesday.

~Amanda

Posted in asexuality, community, crowdfunding, dragon, homeless, Personal, politics

4/7: #crowdfunding, Dragon, and Asexuality

Obligatory Crowdfunding Blurb: Still don’t have funds for storage. Remember, I vacated my apartment and just about everything I own is in that unit. I owe just about $600 now and if I don’t pay soon, it’ll get set for auction next month.

Dragon Got Bitchy: So, yesterday was a bit of a hellish day. Not only did we get some wargame bullshit with P45 (State Dept told Russia, Russia told Syria. Base was fairly emptied out by the time the missiles launched… so, wargame bullshit. Does P45 know that Russia is backing Assad????????), but I got to deal with a major asshole on a public post about Asexuality from a page on FB. I’m very up front and vocal about my asexuality, and this douchenozzle was trying to mansplain (using a two line dictionary.com definition) MY OWN DAMN SEXUALITY TO ME! Once I started feeling like a broken record, I screencapped it, reported and blocked the asshole. Others have since come to my defense and are pouncing on him with this little thing called LOGIC.

Since I’m ‘out’ and proud as fuck all about being asexual, I do my civic duty to explain it to people. Some just don’t get it. This asshole is likely one of those jackasses like I’ve met face to face who think it’s about SEX and that they’re the one to magically fix me by fucking me. Guess fucking what? IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY!! Here, let me explain it in simple terms. If you still don’t get it, crawl back under your rock and stay there.

~Sexuality is not about the ACT of sex; it is about ATTRACTION.~

*Homosexuals (Gays and Lesbians): Sexually attracted to the SAME gender as they are.

Heterosexuals: Sexually attracted to the “opposite” gender.

(So many to list… Here’s a link)

Asexuals: NO (or very little) sexual attraction to any gender.

Now, there are also ROMANTIC ORIENTATIONS. If I listed these, your head would likely go all ‘splody (this might be a good thing if you haven’t procreated yet… keeps you out of the gene pool), so the link for that one is two lines up…. proceed with extreme caution.

This is a good general definition list. Nowhere NEAR complete, but for those who have no clue, it’s a start.

Questions I see a LOT:

  • Do asexuals masturbate? Some of us yes. Many of us have libidos of varying levels of activity.
  • Do asexuals have sex? Well, duh. Yes. Libido does not define our sexuality. Many of us can get aroused… just not necessarily when thinking of or looking at other people.
  • Before you ask THAT question, NO, we cannot reproduce by ourselves… if we could, we’d likely take over this fucking planet.
  • Most other questions can be resolved by going to AVEN’s website.

If, after ALL of that, you still don’t have a motherfucking clue, leave a comment (they’re moderated, so I’ll see it before I potentially approve it). Be polite, or I’ll block your ass. Dragons don’t need to be nice. Piss us off and you become tomorrow’s dinner: Fried Idiot.

~Dragon

*I use the term Homosexual to denote the difference in prefix to Heterosexual.

Posted in activism, asexuality, creativity, crowdfunding, eviction, Personal, politics

Dragon Ponders Politics #WomensMarch & #crowdfunding mention

Today, roughly 3 million or so people -mostly women- gathered in cities around the country, and even some sister marches in other countries in solidarity against the politicking of a certain person I won’t name who was just sworn in to the Presidency here in the United States. With him comes a legacy of hate, ego, division, and so much more. The misogyny alone is sickening.

I respect the office of the President, but I cannot -in good conscience- respect the one in it right now. He does not respect us, he has not earned my respect. Just remember, he, and other elected officials, are supposed to represent the people. All of us. But he and his ilk do not represent me and many others. He does not speak for me. I can use bigger words than him.

I would love to have marched, but I did not. Over the years, my claustrophobia and social anxiety have increased to the point where even a crowded streetcar here in PDX is problematic. I am not the only protester who couldn’t march. We all have our methods of protesting. Not everyone can march. I use words.

Words can have tremendous power when used properly. Even improperly. Negative words can destroy a person, in some cases pushing them to suicide. But when used properly, the power they wield can be an amazing thing.

I am a woman. I am a Feminist. I am Asexual. I am Queer. I am also a writer and poet.

So far, every manuscript I’ve written has a female protagonist. In one, I have two female protagonists. Oh, wait, two manuscripts have two female protagonists. I keep forgetting the one with the nun. Don’t ask.

I blog. Granted, most of my recent posts are either poetry or pleading for crowdfunding help with financial stuff. I’m trying to mix it up, but I blog what’s on my mind, and being unemployed, frustrated, broke-as-fuck, and just wanting to keep some of my sanity intact… well, that tends to be what comes up on the blog.

I use my voice in the way I can use it. My writing: Blogging. Poetry. Fiction.

I am proud of my friends who marched. I am also proud of every woman, man, and child who went out today and marched. On FB, I shared a link with an estimate of the numbers of protesters. My words that went with the post are what follows:

We will not be silent. Keep calling us snowflakes… there are enough of us “snowflakes” in this country to be a motherfucking avalanche. We have landed and we will not give up. 

Just like with the word ‘bitch,’ I say we take ownership of ‘snowflake’ … at least in this sense. We aren’t being whiny. That’s what HE is. The Whiner-In-Chief. We are passionate. Fired up. And we -as our predecessors the Suffragettes, Martin Luther King, Jr and the Civil Rights Movement in the 60’s did- will not back down. We will not be silenced. You can bring back the McCarthy fiasco. You can block us online. You can try to silence us. But you won’t win. We will.

Go ahead, call me a snowflake. I am one of many and the avalanche is just beginning.

~Dragon/Amanda (still crowdfunding. still need help)