Posted in cats, community, crowdfunding, depression, emergency, grad school, homeless, life, Personal, society

4/9: Return to ??? (& shameless #crowdfunding)

My observation of number of hits today tells me my readers here seem to like my posts where I’m musing on my own life stuff. Well, I can’t guarantee daily posts on that, but we will see (and yes, still shamelessly crowdfunding. I need to catch up on storage, which is running roughly $600 for two months with late fees).

I think I mentioned previously that I hadn’t checked my school email since the start of the term due to the eviction and passing of JoJo, and trying to get temporary living situations set up, and getting sick… yeah. My normal things in life just ground to a screeching halt.

Today, I finally logged in. A LOT of emails, but I just scanned over them and marked all read. Having to withdraw from all my classes this term hit me hard emotionally. I emailed the one professor with the class I took an incomplete on last term. I asked, as my advisor instructed, about whatever I need to do to at least pass. I have to wait to see what she says. I also emailed my supervisor at the museum. With getting sick starting in December, I haven’t been back, although I’ve wanted to. Between three colds with infections, and the rest of it, I couldn’t set that time aside. My life has turned topsy-turvy. I briefly explained all of that and if they haven’t given my project to anyone else, I said I do wish to keep to my promise of finishing it. No matter how long that takes.

I firmly believe that unless one has been through these kinds of struggles, they can’t understand. Topping it off was my anxiety and trying to stave off panic attacks. I think people can grasp it to some degree if they’ve been through part of it, but bad stuff kept piling on top, more and more, and it all felt like it would never end. I’m slowly seeing a light at the end of it all.

I still have a long way to go. I still need help. I can’t magically make $600+ appear to keep all my stuff in storage paid up.

I am not perfect. Not even close. I fall. I make mistakes. I fuck up a lot. But that’s all a part of living. Of experiencing the world and life in general. If we don’t learn, we don’t grow. We don’t give ourselves a chance to improve upon our past.

~Amanda

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Creative Geek Of All Trades. Do you really need me to explain that one?