Ever feel like the world around you can’t hear you? You could scream, but no one hears you? I feel, right now, as if there is a void just beyond my reach. A few friends are not in it, or are just at the edge of it, but most people I know are in that void. They can’t hear me, see me… all they see is their own lives in their own bubbles and can’t see or hear anything beyond, anything in the void.
That void makes it difficult to reach out to people. Not that I’m unable to do it, but that I can scream into the void, but as such the nature of a void, those screams die in the darkness and silence.
I ask for help in many forms, and very little seems to get through. I’m at a loss now. I need to pack up the rest of my stuff and dismantle my bed. But I still need crash space.
I’m doing the best I can. I’m still in pain from the three days straight of rearranging storage and moving furniture over. I made a neighbor laugh a little because I carried my coffee table balanced on my head (holding it with my hands of course). I am, for all intents and purposes, not really in a panic mode… I’ve gotten beyond that. I still feel desperation, but the dominant feeling isn’t much of a feeling… it’s just being numb. It’s kind of how I felt after my PTSD trigger in November. Just feels like I’m moving around in this world that I recognize, but feel disconnected from.