Posted in depression, empath life, eviction, faith, hoarding therapy, Personal

Hope vs Reality

With my hopeful plans of heading to Europe for school this fall, my intentions were to stay in this apartment until I was ready to make THAT big leap. But my luck ran out. I now have until 5pm Monday to vacate my apartment… my home of 7 1/2 years.

With little energy, but a growing network of people pitching in to help. I still don’t know if I have a place to stay after Monday, but I’m waiting on phone calls for things like financial assistance, legal guidance, etc…

It’s a daunting task when you have lots of things. I’ve stated already in the past that I know I’m a hoarder. But the fact I’m aware of that makes me different. Many worse than me are in denial. I can throw things out. It may take me a bit to get there, but I do throw things out.

For me, it’s a lack of energy. As an empath, I need calm but strong, decisive energy around me helping to boost me up. Alone, I end up falling asleep at the computer (like right now). Nervous energy from some folks makes me worse.

The “scary” part isn’t the packing up and shoving stuff into storage, it’s the not knowing where I’ll be for a week or so. Not even knowing if I’ll be able to get a job by the time the assistance funds dry up. I’ve had pretty shitty luck at getting work so far. It’s hard to be positive about it.

Maybe, in some way, this sudden shift is a good thing. I’m too nestled in here. Putting everything into storage and then having just the basics with me will help me put it all into perspective.

“Do I really need that?” “How can THIS fit better in my life, or should it go?”

Once this part of the process is over and I’m settled into a new -if temporary- place of my own, I can focus on what NEEDS to be focused on.

We can’t tell our future. We can try to plan it as best as possible, but in the end, each day presents us with new challenges and lessons. And sometimes those challenges are major upheavals. Sometimes, they’re little things.



Creative Geek Of All Trades. Do you really need me to explain that one?