Posted in Personal

2/1: Into the Unknown

Now that the 5 days are up for a move out without the formal eviction, I don’t know how things are going to play out. I don’t know how long I have before the court date. I don’t know how long it’ll take to get the rest of my stuff into storage.

I had planned to go over to storage today and shift things around… go into organize mode… but my mind raced all night with my anxiety in full gear, and I slept more this morning and early afternoon than i did last night. Everything just shut down.

Between lack of funds and injuries flaring up and exhaustion and anxiety and… and knowing I still really need to also do my school work and job hunting… with everything else piled up on me. When the power was cut off, that was a massive breaking point for me.

I’ve had suggestions of moving to Longview, WA, down to Clackamas County, and a few others… but I don’t own a car and where I am right now, just north of downtown, is the easiest place for me to live without a car. The charity services that help with placement in situations like this are full up and overloaded what with all the no-cause evictions from out of state property owners looking to jack up rates on everything possible. There’s little low income housing like where I’ve been living, and it’s all waitlisted so far out, there’s no way. I look at other options (shared housing, etc)… it’s either no pets or no more pets or similar… I have two senior cats and if they can’t come with me, I’m not going.

I don’t know how long I’ll have. I don’t know when the court date will be… and I do feel very lost. Trying to stay positive isn’t that easy in the middle of this kind of thing.

I know that life in general is full of unknowns. You don’t know how life will be tomorrow, next week, next year, etc… but when you have a stable job and can cover all your expenses on your own and maybe put some into savings, the unknown isn’t so frightening. When you’re in a situation like mine right now, it’s scary as all hell. Trying to move with all these unknown factors is … torture… among other things.

Maybe my day of rest today will help move me forward… find the energy I desperately need.

~Amanda

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Creative Geek Of All Trades. Do you really need me to explain that one?