My Dragon side is in panic mode right now. My human side is writing this. Honestly, I’m not sure what else can be done other than convincing someone semi-famous with a ton of followers and a heart of gold to retweet or share my posts about this. I’m trying to be calm (see picture with post), but add election day to the mix, and that it’s been two years to the day since my dad died, I’m in a panicky funk that isn’t gonna go away for the time being.
Something I’ve observed being -or at least feeling like I’m- on the outside edges of society. No matter how any one person or group says they’re “all about community” and consider me a part of their community… I still don’t feel it completely. My family…. we kept to ourselves mostly. Sure, we were in a neighborhood and I played with neighbor kids growing up at times, but it was rare that they were allowed over to our house. It wasn’t anything sinister, just wasn’t something that was encouraged. So I feel like a “Lone Wolf” a lot of the time. But when people tell me I’m a part of their community, their sub-culture, I still don’t totally feel it. I exist… but not as an integral part of “something.” I’m sure there’s more to that, but it isn’t for a public space. At least not right now.
I am actively job hunting, but there isn’t much out there I can do. Yes, it’s the holiday season, but I can’t work retail anymore, and I can’t do warehouse work or driving for long periods. Yes, I swear up a storm so bad sometimes that a drunk sailor would get offended, but I’m not like that in a work environment (well, maybe under my breath while dealing with something frustrating).
The poem of the day will come a bit later… it’ll be about missing my my dad and will have a little remembrance of him as well. He was a genuinely good person who would bend over backwards to help each of his kids as well as anyone else he chose to help. That’s who he was. Anyway…
I better go meander off and fix more things on websites… and get some writing done. That was part of my plan for the day. To honor my dad’s wish for me to never -EVER- give up on my writing.
~Dragon’s Human Side