I am tired. I am broken. My faith in humanity is waning? Why, you may ask?
Between shootings and my own stuff which is barely getting noticed except a scant few who do share those posts, I really am getting to the point where society has become too damn selfish and self-absorbed. This is in general, no one specific. At least not among my friends. I’ve spent years busting my ass for other people. Need someone to pick you up? Sure. Need someone to help you do… whatever? I’m there.
But we have cops killing people for #ComplyingWhileBlack, a Rethuglican Presidential nominee who is a racist, bigoted, self-absorbed narcissistic shithead that even the Pied Piper can’t draw the rats away from him, people being evicted for no cause (others, my case is different, but I still need to pay my damn rent), the poor getting poorer, the rich are lining their pockets, people WITH money to blow are donating to bullshit like that one douchebag with the grilled cheese sandwich or whatever it was… thousands of dollars donated for that bullshit… and I’m over here trying to survive. Fuck that noise.
Where’s the real community? What the fuck happened to it? I’m only 43 and I can remember it. Neighbors watched out for each other, not calling the cops on each other for bullshit. The cops weren’t power-hungry assholes (and most still aren’t, but those are still protecting the bad apples) but the ones we looked to for help… the ones we could fucking TRUST WITH OUR LIVES NO MATTER OUR SKIN COLOR. Where paranoia wasn’t running rampant. Where racists hid their hate under white robes. Where places of worship weren’t attacked for what some bigot thinks they believe. Where is community? And don’t tell me to go to a church. Not everyone wants to to search for God in a building… where a lot of the hate comes from nowadays. Not from God, but from the people who call themselves His followers. I love God, not too many of His “followers.” Some are good, but they need to speak up. Shout from the mountain tops. Peace. Love. Grace.
I still occasionally consider myself a Christian, but those occasions are getting rarer by the week. I find God in nature. He created it, why not? I am a spiritual person, I do not seek God in a building. But because I am alone in my faith and how I connect with Him, I don’t have some farcical community such as a church. And then what of those who don’t believe at all? What about their community? What about them? Where do the rest of us find our community when we need help? When we need support of some kind? Tell me.