Posted in crowdfunding, empath life, Personal

Feeling Invisible (ranty sweary post)

I think I’ve posted on this feeling before. One might think that Social Media might have tamed those feelings, but it doesn’t. Not by a long shot.

As a kid, I could be standing -right fucking there- as a relative or some other person would ask one of my parents how I was doing in school, or what I was up to “these days.” And I’m RIGHT THERE!! I could have been jumping up and down, on fire, with lit sparklers in my damn hands and they wouldn’t have seen me. Even at the family dinner table. I finally get the chance to say something and get the proverbial pat on the head, “that’s nice,” and they moved along with the conversation as if what I said didn’t happen. One sibling did pay attention. We became a comedic team, even if I didn’t always realize I was playing the “straight man.” But they paid attention. We’re still close today.

In school, it was more of the same. Ignored, or so it seemed. Few teachers took interest. They’re the ones who have stood out in my life. That same sibling and my dad also noticed, and thus were good influences for me.

But for the majority of those I am surrounded by in society, I am essentially invisible. I know some will maybe say, “no, you are not.” And I know I’m not physically invisible. Well, I’m pretty sure I’m not. I’ve come close to being run over by hordes of business people in neutral outfits while I was wearing every fucking color under the sun (AND the skirt with all those colors was flapping in the breeze. Kinda hard NOT to notice, really).

With the advent of social media, one might think we can broaden our networks and not feel so invisible. But there are so many people, one voice can get lost in the crowd.

This post goes hand-in-hand with my post from a couple days ago about being a Human Chew Toy. The feeling (and a friend back east posted a similar sentiment on FB today) of only being paid attention to when “they” want something and those same people ignore me when I may need help. I know I’ve been down for a while. Out of work, frustrated, stressed, asking for help nearly every month, for some time. I can imagine many are just tuning me out.

Until they need me. Human Chew Toy at your service. Although, not really. Not any more. I can’t keep giving pieces of myself. There isn’t much left to give. Being an Empath, I give so much because I feel so much. And yet I can jump up and down, screaming at the top of my lungs for a little help, and I am left feeling empty and invisible.

Here I sit. Once again, frustrated about paying rent. Stressed out to the point of nearing breakdown. I do my best to find ways to make ends meet. Apply for jobs, gigs, etc… and the invisibility hits again.

If anyone can help me keep my apartment, please click on the Paypal Donate button. Anything helps. If you can’t donate, then share my blog. Pick a post and share. Share this one if you wish. I’m not even halfway there. Buy something from me. Request something to be made. Or just donate. Or…. share.

~P

(Amanda)

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Creative Geek Of All Trades. Do you really need me to explain that one?